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Learning to Improvise…
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Vin relaxed against the door of Ezra’s room after making sure he’d locked it. He took a deep breath and watched as his lover moved about the room. It was almost a ritual, one that Vin found decidedly pleasant to observe, one he’d missed seeing for the past few days.Ezra threw his hat with a deft flick of the wrist, his aim true and the hat settled easily on the dresser. He shrugged out of his jacket with careless grace before hanging it neatly in the closet. He removed his pocket watch and cuff links, laying them on the dresser in a small crystal bowl. Vin assumed he kept the bowl for just that reason, but he’d never asked. Occasionally he did wonder how something so fragile and delicate looking managed to end up still in one piece in a dusty backwater saloon owned by the only person in town likely to appreciate its beauty.
The vest was also removed and hung next to the jacket. An elegant hand moved to smooth both articles, ensuring they hung smartly, without wrinkles. The door to the closet was pushed shut with a seemingly absentminded shove, but still with no more force than necessary to close it gently. Vin smiled to himself quietly amused that Ezra always managed gauge the force correctly, never slamming the door.
Ezra was rolling up his sleeves when he caught sight of Vin’s smile. He cocked an eyebrow. Vin shrugged. "Jus’ glad to be home." It was true, just not the whole truth. The slant eyed look Ezra graced him with let him know his lover knew it, but wasn’t going to call him on it.
Vin tossed his hat to join Ezra’s and shrugged out of his coat, draping it on the rocker. He toed out of his boots, knowing his lover would object to him lying on the bed with his boots on. Funny him being all proper about that, but he don’t bat an eye about having a gun under his pillow. Course, the gun could save yer life. Sort of excuses getting gun oil on the sheets.
Ezra slipped out of his boots, setting them beside Vin’s at the foot of the bed. He stretched in one long sensuous movement that reminded Vin of how a cat would do the same thing right before it curled up to nap in the sun. Chris tellin’ Ez to take a nap wasn’t a half bad idea. Know he didn’t sleep so good while we were gone…and it weren’t just because we was tucking in on the ground either.
The gambler might have near perfect control over the emotions he displayed at any given moment, but that didn’t mean strong emotions didn’t affect him. Vin knew Ezra hadn’t slept well. Oh he didn’t toss an’ turn, didn’t seem tense or edgy, least not the way other people might. But that ain’t the same as resting easy. Vin suspected his lover’s mind was busy analyzing outcomes and options, weighing the choices against each other. Like a dog chasin’ his tail.
Vin knew it wouldn’t really matter that Ezra was tired, or that all joking aside, Chris had more or less ordered him to take a nap, Ezra would still need some enticement to actually lay down. And even though things with Josiah had worked out to at least put them on more solid ground, it would take some effort on his part to help his lover relax, to calm those swirling thoughts enough to sleep. No time like the present.
He sat down on the bed, and patted the spot next to him. "C’mon, Ez. Lay down with me."
Ezra smiled warmly, green eyes sparkling. "Now that is an invitation I’m not likely to refuse."
Vin returned the smile. "I know."
The tracker moved over and leaned back, making room for Ezra to join him. He pulled the aged quilt up from the foot of the bed. It wasn’t cold enough to warrant a blanket, but Vin knew the gambler slept better if covered slightly. And the quilt wasn’t really that heavy. Vin knew Ezra kept it more for the soft feel and security it provided than for warmth. Ezra sighed softly as he lay down on his side, head pillowed on Vin’s shoulder. Vin spread the quilt to cover them both before he shifted enough to rest his cheek on the top of Ezra’s head.
"We’ll need to restock." Ezra murmured.
Vin tensed involuntarily at that simple statement. They hadn’t talked on the way back to town, but Vin thought that things with Josiah had gone well. Not perfect but certainly workable, definitely something they could live with. Certainly not reason for them to leave again. Maybe Ezra saw or heard something he’d missed.
"You think we’ll need it?" Vin asked quietly, surprised by the sadness he could hear in his own voice.
"Not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe not ever again." Ezra patted his chest in a soothing movement. "But it pays to be prepared. And for that reason, I always think we may need it."
Vin captured Ezra’s hand with his own, interlacing their fingers. I know. Sad part is I usually think the same thing. Guess we both been on the run so long it’s hard not to feel the need to have a safe place to run to. Was why we had it to start with.
He raised Ezra’s hand to place a kiss on his knuckles. "Okay. I’ll take care of it." Vin nodded to himself, lightly rubbing his cheek against Ezra’s soft curls as he planned a route on his patrol that would take him by their spot. It wouldn’t take long to replace what they’d used.
"You think things went okay with Josiah, right?" Vin asked after a few minutes. It wasn’t a question he really wanted to ask, but after his momentary flash of anxiety it seemed like a good idea to do so.
"Yes." Ezra sighed and Vin wrapped his arm more securely about the gambler, encouraging him to snuggle in closer. "He told us more and was far more willing to divulge the information than I expected. I am satisfied with how things turned out."
Vin placed a kiss in Ezra’s hair, their joined hands resting on his chest, while his free hand lightly rubbed slowly up and down the gambler’s spine. "Good. So am I."
If Ezra was okay with it, then he was okay with it. Didn’t mean he wouldn’t be keeping an eye on Josiah just to be sure things continued to go smoothly. He didn’t really think that they would be able to simply pick up where they left off. It would take awhile for the group to find their balance again.
Ezra spoke softly. "It will probably take some time to get back to what constitutes normal for us."
Vin chuckled, amused by his lover’s casual understatement and how well his statement echoed Vin’s thoughts. "I ‘spect so."
"We will get there." Ezra stated, voice barely above a whisper, but there was no doubt or uncertainty in his voice. "It may take some time, but we will get there."
"We will." Vin agreed. Provided Josiah keeps his head screwed on straight and remembers ta think for he acts. Long as no one in town finds out and raises a stink. But then that ain’t new…so I guess that’s just part o’ normal for us.
Ezra sighed again. Vin had continued to stroke the smaller man’s spine and he could feel him relax, his body easing into that heavy, boneless state that sleep brings. Even though Ezra had slept while in their secret hideaway Vin knew he’d never completely relaxed. There had been a faint, lingering tension that suggested he’d be awake in a heartbeat and ready for action. Vin reveled in the tangible display of trust Ezra’s complete relaxation signified. He’d missed it.
Vin breathed deeply, holding it for a moment and then letting it out. He allowed himself to sink further into the feather bed. More of Ezra’s weight came to rest against him, warm and solid at his side.
The others would be back in town soon. Not that they needed to worry about that right now. No one would be expecting them to make an appearance until about sundown.
It was unlikely anyone in town even noticed that he and Ezra hadn’t been around for the last two days. Well, except for the children Ezra taught. Pretty sure Buck or JD would have thought to say something to the kids. Have to remember to ask them what they told ‘em.
He made a mental note to do so when they meet up for a drink and had dinner just like they normally did. No one in town would be any the wiser to the dissension that had come between them. Vin didn’t think they needed to know. There was more than one disagreement among them that the town was not privy to. It was better to maintain the illusion of a united front at all times.
Ain’t any of their damn business anyway. Don’t matter what the problem is. Last thing we’d need is ‘help’ from them. Never had any when it might have been useful…like with Eli Joe, or the Nichols brothers, or when Chris was in that prison,…no reason for them to get involved when it would jus’ make things worse. Think we all know that, even if we never really talked about it.
Vin heard Ezra’s breathing take on a deep, steady rhythm. It was a mystery to him that the cardsharp didn’t snore. He idly wondered how Buck’s ladies could stand sleeping with him when the man snored loud enough to wake the dead.
The tracker closed his eyes, and relaxed. He wouldn’t sleep deeply, just catnap. The rest would come in handy when he sat in the saloon keeping an eye on Ezra while he played poker before his shift would start at midnight.
+ + + + + + +
Josiah found himself thinking about the past two weeks as he worked to repair the church steps. He sometimes found thinking easier if his hands were busy. Somehow it just helped to organize his thoughts while his body was otherwise occupied.
The steps had dry rot in places and had warped in others, leaving them rickety and decidedly uneven. He had replaced much of the earlier wooden base and risers already knowing they were unsalvageable. As he worked to sand smooth what would be new footers, Josiah considered how much change could be wrought in so little time.
The bruises were gone from Vin’s neck, but the tracker still seemed inclined to keep some distance between them. He never picked the chair next to Josiah when they sat down to meals or had drinks at the saloon. But then that might not be entirely Vin’s doing.
The others seemed to bracket Josiah at such times, usually with Chris on one side and Buck on the other. The former preacher suspected it was an unconscious decision on their part, a means of protecting the couple. He chose not to feel offended by that, although it hurt to know they obviously thought that he might still pose a threat. Josiah was honest enough with himself to realize that had it been anyone else who’d attacked Vin and Ezra, they would likely have faced down more than Chris and Buck’s quiet censure.
Ezra made it easy for him to relax, despite such treatment. Amused green eyes often met his and Ezra would wink when the others couldn’t see it. He made sure Josiah was included in the conversation, that the big man was never subjected to a verbal slight while they were together. He never dealt him out of a game unless Josiah requested it. He made sure to include him when a round of drinks was purchased. He didn’t treat him with any less courtesy than he ever had.
And that was also part of the problem in some ways. If anything, Ezra treated him with all the courtesy due a stranger, not a friend. The gambler was not quite as reserved as when they first met, but he was not nearly as friendly as he had been before their altercation. And of their group, Josiah was the only one Ezra continued to refer to by surname.
He still called Nathan Mr. Jackson on occasion, but that was usually when people other than the seven were present. When it was just the seven he had no difficulty being informal and using first names. Josiah expressed his disappointment about Ezra’s continued use of his surname to Nathan the other day.
The healer had snorted and shook his head. "Did you ask him to call you by your first name, Josiah?"
"No."
"Well there you go." Nathan had said like it explained everything. And maybe it did.
Josiah nodded to himself, running one hand over the board he’d been working on. He was going to have to say something if he wanted Ezra to use his first name. Maybe if he could get a minute alone with the younger man.
That hadn’t been an option lately either. Not that Ezra seemed to be actively avoiding him. Not really. More like he was just never in the same place as Josiah. Thinking it over, Josiah realized that even before he’d lost his mind and behaved stupidly, he and Ezra rarely spent much time together alone. Not really. Not the way Ezra did with Buck, JD…and of course, Vin.
He frowned heavily. He didn’t like thinking that after a year and a half he hadn’t gotten to know the gambler. Not really. What he knew was only what he wanted to know. Josiah didn’t want to believe his interactions with the younger man had been mostly on his terms, not with a genuine focus for what Ezra might have thought or wanted. But there was no denying it.
It wasn’t that long ago he’d overstepped his bounds, repeatedly ignoring Ezra’s request not to be called son, not to be touched. He sighed heavily, realizing the lessons he’d thought he’d learned as a result of Ezra’s forceful reaction hadn’t apparently been the right ones. Or they hadn’t taken as well as they should have.
Josiah was forced to admit that didn’t honestly know that much about Ezra, at least not from him directly. Or Vin either. Something else he should rectify. Need to really start over. Make a new beginning. Actually become friends, not just me just assuming we are. Think the past two weeks we’ve gotten back to being nodding acquaintances. Just need to take the next step.
He pursed his lips. Josiah tried to think of when he might be able to catch the gambler for a moment and express his desire to have the younger man use his first name. Maybe pursue a chance to really get to know each other, continue to build on the new foundation they’d recently begun laying. A glance upward to check the sun confirmed the time. Ezra would be getting up about now.
Josiah grunted as he straightened up. He rubbed at his lower back. I have got to stop spending so much time in that position.
He carefully laid his tools aside. The big man studied the steps and nodded in approval. Another day or so and access to the front of the church would once again be possible. People would be able to come and go safely. He chose to ignore the fact that very few people in town actually seemed to want or need the church. Josiah knew himself well enough to know that he worked on the building less for them than he did for himself. Whether they used it or saw a need for it didn’t really matter.
He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. Josiah laughed at himself. You’d think I was facing down an armed outlaw intent on killing me, not just planning to walk down the street and talk with a man I consider my friend.
Josiah strolled down the street. Lately, he’d found himself looking at the townspeople with new eyes. He was evaluating them, contemplating just how reliable they were. Just what they might do if Vin and Ezra’s relationship became known. He was beginning to appreciate how hard that was to do. My own initial reaction is hardly what I’d have predicted of myself. And if I can’t predict my own behavior, how can I possibly anticipate another’s with any degree of certainty?
He shook his head. None of that mattered. Vin and Ezra were right when they said they only had each other to count on. If they stood firm, stood together that was all they needed. Seven men, one destiny Josiah had said once and he still believed that.
He spotted the gambler sitting on the saloon porch. Josiah tipped his head as he got closer. "Good morning, Ezra."
"Good morning, Mr. Sanchez." Ezra responded with a soft smile. The gambler loosely held a cup in his left hand. Josiah was surprised to see a teapot sitting on the nearby table. Would have thought he was drinking coffee. He never seems all that keen on drinking Nathan’s teas. Course, no one really likes Nathan’s medicinal stuff, even if it is good for ‘em, so that’s not really anything to go by.
"Mind if I join you?" Josiah gestured toward the empty chair that sat on the other side of the table.
"Not at all." Ezra waved his right hand toward the seat. "Please make yourself comfortable." He filled his cup as Josiah sat. Still holding the pot, Ezra spoke, "Pardon my appalling lack of manners. I should have inquired sooner. Would you care for a cup of tea, Mr. Sanchez?"
"Would rather you called me Josiah." The big man said quietly.
"Excuse me?" Ezra raised an eyebrow, teapot still in the offing.
"I would rather you used my first name."
Ezra cocked his head, green eyes narrowed slightly. He bowed slightly. "If that is what you prefer."
"It is." Josiah did his best not to let his jaw drop open in stunned surprise. He hadn’t expected it to be that easy. Although, reflecting on it, he wasn’t sure why he thought Ezra wouldn’t agree.
"Tea, Josiah?"
Unable to help himself the big man laughed. "I think I’d enjoy a cup."
Ezra smiled, dimple appearing. He poured a cup and offered it to Josiah. The big man took the cup carefully. He watched as Ezra added milk to his, pouring it from a small creamer that sat on the same tray where the teapot resided. Josiah suddenly realized that the set matched. The teapot, the creamer and another bowl he was sure held sugar all fit easily on the small tray. Wonder where he got that?
Ezra offered the creamer to Josiah, but the big man shook his head. "Sugar?" The gambler offered the other small jar. Josiah refused that as well.
Ezra used a small spoon to stir his tea. He sat back in his chair and sipped his drink. Josiah took a sip of his own, and was surprised to find he liked it. Definitely better than the stuff Nathan usually offers.
"Where did you get the set?" Josiah asked nodding toward the tray, curiosity getting the better of him.
"Mrs. Potter had several for sale languishing in her store."
"Never noticed." Josiah admitted.
"If you do not care for tea, it is unlikely you would bother to make note of the equipment on hand to brew and enhance the beverage. One only sees what one needs to."
Josiah nodded. And he realized that was true of more than just tea sets. He hadn’t looked for signs that Vin and Ezra were a couple and so he hadn’t seen it. He hadn’t really looked at the townspeople, really started weighing their character, until he felt the need to do so. If they aren’t given reason to, I doubt the town folk will notice any more than I did.
He bit his lower lip. "You think most people in town are just as likely to over look other things as they are tea sets?"
Ezra gave him a sly glance. The look alone let him know Ezra knew what he was referring to. "Undoubtly." The gambler’s tone was dry. "They seem to harbor an infinite capacity to focus exclusively on their own well being and concerns, heedless of anything that does not affect them directly. I seriously doubt that will change any time soon."
"Good."
"Indeed." Ezra tipped his head slightly, and continued to sip his tea.
Josiah toyed with his cup, turning it in his hands. He studied the brown liquid searching its depth for the right words. "You know…the past two weeks have been…very good."
Ezra made a noncommittal sound of agreement. Green eyes regarded him steadily, waiting patiently, letting Josiah lead the way. The big man grimaced wishing the verbose gambler would just jump in and find the words he couldn’t seem to locate.
Frustrated with himself, Josiah took a large swallow of tea and nearly scalded his tongue. He glared at the cup, irrationally angry at it for harboring something he could hurt himself with. Ezra’s soft chuckle made him look up.
"Careful, Josiah, it is hot."
"I know." He growled.
Ezra raised an eyebrow. "Funny how hurting oneself usually does bring the obvious to the fore, does it not?"
Josiah sighed, his momentary flash of annoyance gone just as quickly as it came. "That it does."
"I do understand, Josiah." Ezra smiled softly. "What you were trying so hard to say just a moment ago, I do understand."
The cardsharp’s gaze shifted to stare out over the street. "The past two weeks we have reached a new understanding. Embarked on a new course and have undertaken building something that might well outlast this town."
"I hope so." Josiah would like to believe that they could stay friends no matter where they were or what happened. He wanted that.
Green eyes met blue. "So do I." Ezra raised his cup and Josiah lightly touched it with his.
The big man grinned, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. His feeling of elation was tamped down slightly as he glanced up the street and spotted Vin riding in from patrol. Ezra might understand, but that didn’t mean Vin did. And it certainly didn’t guarantee that the tracker felt the same way.
Ezra looked up the street, following Josiah’s line of sight. The gambler smiled. If he hadn’t been looking for it Josiah never would have noticed the way Ezra’s eyes seemed to light up at the sight of his lover.
Vin brought Peso to a halt in front of them, arms resting casually on his saddle horn. "Ez." He tipped his head to Josiah. "Josiah."
"Hello, Vin." Ezra greeted the tracker, his tone more welcoming than his simple greeting would have indicated.
Josiah dipped his head. "Vin."
The tracker smirked seeing the teapot, sky blue eyes bright. "Ez get you drinking tea too?"
Josiah shrugged. "It’s not bad."
"Nope. It’s not." Vin agreed. "Still prefer coffee though."
Ezra rolled his eyes. "Anything of note on your patrol?"
"Not a thing." Vin shrugged. "Pretty quiet really." The tracker raised two fingers to the brim of his hat. "I’ll see you both at lunch."
It wasn’t a question, but Ezra answered him. "We’ll be present for our usual repast."
Vin nodded and nudged Peso toward the livery. Josiah did his best not to gape after him. He was expecting more; some expression of concern, or suspicion, some communication verbal or visual between Vin and Ezra to confirm that the pleasant moment of camaraderie was exactly what it seemed to be.
Ezra chuckled and finished his tea. He stood and straightened his clothes as he usually did. Clear green eyes met his. "Rest assured, Josiah, Vin appreciates what we are building. He shares the same sentiment."
The big man took a breath, and let it out slowly. "You’re sure?"
Ezra smiled. "I am." The smile grew to a grin, gold pre-molar visible. "But if you’d care to ask him yourself, feel free to do so."
Josiah laughed. "I couldn’t even ask you."
"True." Ezra chuckled. "But then there are times when words are not necessary."
Josiah nodded, understanding how profound that was. He rose to his feet. He gestured toward the restaurant. "I believe we have an appointment to keep."
"That we do."
Together they walked down the boardwalk. Josiah was pleased to find they were in step without even trying. He couldn’t figure out why, but he found that fact heartening.
Reaching the restaurant he was not surprised to see Buck lounging against one of the pillars. The tall cowboy smoothed his mustache with forefinger and thumb. "You boys getting lunch?"
"It would seem so." Ezra waved a hand toward the doorway. "Would you care to join us, Buck?"
"Don’t mind if I do." Buck grinned and clapped former preacher on the shoulder. "You get those steps finished yet, Josiah?"
"Nearly, brother."
"Maybe you should ask Chris ta lend a hand. Know he ain’t a half bad carpenter." Buck waggled his eyebrows. "And he doesn’t have anything else ta do this afternoon."
Ezra smirked. "Half dollar says he can’t finish the job without cussing at least once."
"Blasphemy while working on the house of the Lord?" Josiah rubbed his chin, fighting a smile. "I shudder to think of it."
Buck rolled his eyes as they headed into the restaurant. "No one is going to take a bet like that Ezra."
"Like what?" JD asked. He was already sitting at their usual table.
"That Chris could help Josiah work on the church without cussin’." Buck responded as he threw himself in to a chair.
JD grinned. "Does it really count as cussing if he’s doing it so much it sounds more like he’s speaking in tongues?"
"A good point." Ezra conceded as he took his seat. Josiah couldn’t help but smile as the gambler took the seat next to him. "I would think one sufficiently intelligible curse would qualify."
Buck snorted. "You can always understand the man when he’s pissed. No mistakin’ that."
"Mistaking what?" Nathan asked as he sauntered in and sat next to JD.
"Chris being pissed." JD answered.
"Someone didn’t know?" Nathan raised both eyebrows. "How the hell could someone not know?"
Josiah was quick to notice that their seating arrangement had taken shape naturally. The tension of the past two weeks seemed to have eased considerably. It was like they’d all been waiting for some signal from him to relax. It wouldn’t surprise him if they had all witnessed him talking to Ezra in front of the saloon. If I’d known that, I’d have talked to Ezra sooner. But then I wasn’t ready to talk to him until today.
"Know what?" Vin asked, catching the tail end of Nathan’s question as he walked in. The tracker slid into the chair next to Ezra with his usual boneless grace.
"That Chris is pissed." JD again answered.
"Chris is pissed?" Vin frowned. "Didn’t seem that way when I jus’ talked ta him."
Buck laughed. "No, Pard, no. Not now. When he helps Josiah with the church."
Vin stared at Buck. "He’s helpin’ Josiah with the church? Since when?"
"Well see," Buck started to explain, but was interrupted by Chris’ arrival. The dark clad gunslinger took his usual seat at the head of the table.
"Boys." Chris greeted them as he sat down.
"Hear ya volunteered ta help Josaih fix up the church, Cowboy." Vin grinned. "Right nice thing ta do."
"What?" Chris stared at Vin. "You wanna say that again?"
As the explanation and argument began to grow, Ezra quietly shared a look with Josiah. This sort of conversation hadn’t occurred lately, and Josiah got the feeling that he wasn’t the only one who’d noticed the absence. Things are definitely back to ‘normal’.
"I’m vastly relieved, Josiah, that what we are building can be done with much less…input." Ezra spoke just loud enough for the big man to hear.
Josiah smiled. He glanced around the table, pleased to see so much animation again, such easy banter, and lively interaction. He’d missed this. Lord but he had missed it.
"Wouldn’t be the same without it though." He observed, keeping his voice pitched for Ezra alone.
Green eyes danced when they met his. "No. No it wouldn’t."
"I like it."
"As do I, Josiah. As do I."
Josiah sat back and let the feeling of being connected again wash over him. He was decidedly grateful that he had been given this second chance. He sent a silent prayer of gratitude heavenward and a fervent request for the strength and wisdom so that he would be able to make the most of it.
End
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