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Tired |
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“Buck, any luck on those prints?” Chris asked.“Afraid not; Jerry’s out of town this weekend. Might have to wait until Monday,” he replied.
“Okay, but we might have a different angle,” Chris said as he turned on his computer. “Vin didn’t give me any names, but he said that the guy worked with him when he was a rookie in Texas. About two weeks after he was involved in a raid near El Paso where one marshal got killed, this asshole transferred to Seattle.”
“So, if we figure out who was working with Vin back then and then transferred, we should find our boy, right?”
“That’s what I’m hoping. Thing now is to find out what his connection here in Denver is. Once we find out a name, we can check with the Marshals’ office or hell, even the local phone directory,” Chris reasoned.
“Okay, so who do we know in the Marshals’ office in Texas?” Buck asked. “They just don’t give out that sorta information over the phone ya know.”
“Well, we’ll just see what we can piece together from Vin’s background check information first,” Chris said as he pulled up Vin’s personnel file.
Buck sat on Chris’s couch and let out a loud sigh.
“So he told you that he didn’t do it on purpose?” he asked, needing to hear it again.
“Yeah, that’s basically what he said,” Chris replied. “It was accidental... at least until he didn’t do anything to stop the bleeding, anyway.”
“So what do you think that shrink’s gonna do? Think he’ll have Vin pulled from the job?”
“I don’t know, Buck,” he said, looking up from the computer. “When I talked with him, he seemed like he’d give Vin a fair shake. I told him about the blackmail - I didn’t show him the pictures - but I said that something like that could ruin Vin’s life, if he wanted to stay in law enforcement, at least if he was on a different team.”
“Well, we’re okay with it, but what about the rest of the boys?”
“They don’t need to know about it, Buck.”
“What if this guy sends them pictures to the office? Or to Travis?” Buck questioned, playing Devil’s Advocate.
“Hopefully, we’ll find this jerk and that won’t happen, Buck.”
“And if we don’t?”
Chris sighed and sat back in his chair. “Shit, Buck. Vin’ll have to deal with that when the time comes. But this time, he’ll know we’re on his side, right?”
“Yeah, there is that.”
“You had any luck getting a hold of Karen, yet?”
“Not yet. She must have taken a weekend away. She sometimes heads out to Boulder to ski.”
“Okay, I’m gonna keep on this line, see what I can find out about Texas. Why don’t you head on home.”
“We still keeping JD in the dark?” Buck asked. “He’s gonna ask why he still can’t visit Vin.”
“Tell him... tell him... shit. Just tell him that I talked to Vin and it was an accident. Tell him that Vin’s gonna be okay, that maybe they didn’t want to keep moving him around. Plead ignorance to anything else, okay? And we’ll try to sort this out as we go.”
“Yeah, like JD’ll let me get away with that,” Buck muttered as he walked to the office door. “Talk to ya later, Chris.”
“Buck?” Chris called before Buck got past the door. Buck turned around. “Thanks. For coming last night. For doing this.”
“He’s one of us, Chris. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
Saturday, 5:00 PM
“So, Vin, sobered up yet?”Dr. Freeberg took a seat next to Vin’s bed and waited for an answer. He’d been visited by Vin’s boss and friend, Chris Larabee, twice already and both times it was quite obvious that Vin meant a lot to the man. Larabee had told him about Vin being a dedicated ATF agent, and before that, a US Marshal. According to Larabee, Tanner had a near impeccable record and was surrounded by friends and coworkers who respected him and loved him as a brother. So, if, as Larabee stated, Vin Tanner was being blackmailed and that the threat of what could be uncovered would cause him to want to commit suicide, that must have been some deep dark secret in Vin’s past.
And while Larabee, during his second visit to his office, stated that Vin did not try to commit suicide, that it was all accidental, Freeberg still needed to hear that for himself. From Vin. And maybe he’d hear what that deep dark secret was, too.
“Vin?” he called, when Vin hadn’t answered right away.
“I just wanted to make the pain go away,” Vin finally replied.
“So you thought killing yourself would help?”
“I thought gettin’ drunk enough would help,” Vin countered. “Didn’t work, and my shoulder started hurtin’, too, so I took some of my pain meds.”
“But the emotional pain, that didn’t go away, did it? So you cut your wrist.”
“Did it on accident,” he quickly corrected. “Punched out the bathroom mirror.”
“But you didn’t try to stop the bleeding.”
Vin sighed aloud at the truth of the statement before replying, “Didn’t seem like it was worth it. Seemed like the right thing to do, or not do, at the time.”
“What about now? Go back to my question from this morning. Are you disappointed?”
“Still a loaded question, doc,” Vin replied, shaking his head. “How about, I’m disappointed in myself. That I let things get this far.”
“I’ll take that,” Freeberg answered. “Now, how about you tell me what it was that got this far? What caused you so much pain, Vin?”
Vin took a deep breath. He knew he didn’t have to tell the doctor anything else, if he didn’t want to. He figured if he just told the doctor that he’d agree to counseling or something, that he’d be able to get out of there, and maybe even keep his job. But there was something about this guy that Vin liked. He was straightforward. He didn’t pussyfoot around or try to act all sickeningly sweet like most psychologists he’d encountered in his professional and personal life. He looked back at Freeberg.
“A bit of my past came back and bit me in the ass,” he said. “I didn’t think my current employer would let me keep my job, at least not without makin’ my life a living hell, if they found out.”
“If they found out what, Vin?”
Vin took a deep breath before responding, “That I’m gay.”
“Gay and in law enforcement. You’re right, tough crowd,” the doctor quickly agreed, nodding his head. “But surely you’ve made friends there, right? Your boss, Agent Larabee, came to see me today. He seems like a nice guy.”
“The best,” Vin agreed quickly. Maybe too quickly.
Freeberg couldn’t help but notice the splay of emotions crossing Vin’s face. He decided to take a risk.
“You like him, don’t you? As in you want to be more than just friends with him?” he asked. “That’s why you didn’t want him, in particular, finding out. Am I right?”
Vin looked away at the comment, not sure how to respond. How the hell did this guy figure it out and then expect him to acknowledge it, when he wasn’t even able to admit it to himself half the time? He turned back to the doctor then with a sad smile.
“Damn, you’re good.”
“He cares a lot about you, Vin,” Freeberg replied. “I don’t think that’s changed since he found out about your past.”
“He said he didn’t care about it,” Vin agreed quietly. “But that’s here, not on the job. Might change when we get in close quarters. That’s how it is with most guys. Say they don’t care; say it’s okay to have a gay coworker. But work one night in a surveillance van with ‘em and it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame, doc. I’ve seen it happen.”
“You really think Chris would feel that way?”
“He might if he found out how I really feel about him.”
“Or, he might not,” Freeberg replied. “Think about that tonight, Vin,” he added as he stood up. “And we’ll talk some more tomorrow.”
“Am I gonna get outta here soon, doc? Are you gonna let me go back to work?”
“We’ll talk more tomorrow Vin. We’ll decide then,” he answered and left.
Sunday morning, 8:30 AM
Chris rolled off the couch with a moan and a grunt. It had been a while since he’d spent the night on the thing and he wasn’t used to the newest lumps and bumps in the cushions. He’d gotten nowhere last night in his search for information at the San Antonio Marshals’ office. The fact that it was a weekend probably hadn’t helped. When he managed to talk to anyone, they said they’d refer him to a supervisor on Monday, but he knew that even come Monday, they weren’t about to give him any amount of information over the phone, no matter who the hell he was or what story he’d had for them. By the time he’d finished going over Vin’s file, talking to no less than five Marshals in Texas and two here in Denver, it was going on midnight and he was just plain tired.Having made arrangements with a neighbor to take care of the ranch when he’d gotten home from the hospital Saturday morning, Chris had no need to go home, and so just grabbed the blanket and pillow from his office closet. Rolling his shoulders and massaging his lower back now, he was almost regretting the decision.
After taking a trip to the bathroom and getting some coffee started, he settled back at his desk and stared at the manila envelope on top of it. Did he really want to look at those pictures again? What was it about them that upset him so much? Was it the fact that Vin was gay? Was it the fact that Vin never told him about this part of himself? Was it the heinous scheme that placed those pictures into his hands? Was it the fact that something that had once brought Vin joy was now the cause of his near death? Or was it the plain and simple truth, as Chris realized, that it wasn’t him there with Vin in those pictures, in that life.
“And you yell at him for not telling you about his secrets,” he scolded himself, leaning back into his chair with a sigh. “God, this is like some bad romance novel...” he thought aloud, not knowing that five miles away, someone else was having similar thoughts.
Sunday morning, 8:40 AM
Vin sat staring at the breakfast tray in front of him. Some soggy cornflakes sat in a half-empty bowl, next to the plate of hard, stale toast. “Like I’m supposed to get the jelly outta them little plastic containers, how?” His right hand, still bandaged and splinted, was useless as he had tried to open the grape jelly again. He stopped himself just short of throwing the damned thing across the room and sighed, instead pushing the entire tray table away from him.He looked at his hand again. The tips of his fingers sticking out from the bandage were red and swollen. The nurse that had changed his dressing before breakfast had confirmed that an infection had set in.
Just fuckin’ wonderful. Another thing to add to the things that could possibly go wrong in my life this week. Hmmm... Shoulder’s still sore from DT, had to teach a class on short notice, found former coworker and blackmailer from Texas, whom I haven’t seen in almost six years, in said class. Former coworker and blackmailer is still in the business of makin’ my life hell. Tried to get drunk, only got stupid. Tried suicide, failed. Boss got pictures of me and dead former lover. Boss happens to be object of current... lust. And I got an infected hand on top of everyfuckinthingelse.
Why the hell did Chris have to get the pictures? Why couldn’t Buck? Or Travis?
With Travis, Vin knew he at least had the legal system on his side, and that Travis was supposed to be a fair man, not one to spread rumors that could hurt his people. And Buck - Vin only thought of Buck because Buck was open to such things. He remembered Buck telling him about a double date he’d been on once, one that went all the way when it came to the two men and two women on the date ending up in one bed. They’d been staking out a suspect, who happened to be gay, when Buck had brought up the topic of gay sex.
Did Buck know about me then? Did he know now? Not that I’m interested in Buck, I’m interested in... Chris. Shit.
“A transfer. That’s it. I’m just gonna have to transfer again.”
“Doesn’t that get tiring, Vin? Always running away? Hiding?”
Vin looked to the doorway and the now familiar figure of Dr. Freeberg. He wasn’t ready for this. He didn’t want to talk to this man yet. It was too early in the morning for this, on top of everything else that was going wrong.
And so, Dr. Freeberg came into the room to sit next to Vin. And he didn’t miss seeing the mostly uneaten breakfast tray, unfortunately, as it went sailing to the floor.
“Yes, it’s fuckin’ tiring, doc! Why the hell do you think I’m here? I got tired of hidin’ and runnin’ away. So fuckin’ tired of playin’ the All-American heterosexual cop! So fuckin’ tired of wonderin’ when the hell someone was gonna find out! When someone was gonna blow the fuckin’ whistle on me! So fuckin’ tired of lyin’ to my family. Of lyin’ to my friends! Of lyin’ to...my best friend.”
When Vin had quieted, seeming to have run out of steam, Dr. Freeberg spoke up again. “Maybe now, that the secret’s out, that your best friend knows, that you don’t have to lie anymore, it’ll mean that you don’t have to run away anymore, either. What do you think, Vin?”
“I think that for a gay man who has a thing for his straight boss, goin’ back to work is a bad idea,” Vin replied.
“What about just a man having a thing for his best friend? Or just, you going back to work with your best friend?” Freeberg countered.
“Same thing, doc,” Vin answered, glaring now at the man.
“Is it, Vin? Why do you say that? Why shouldn’t you tell Chris about how you feel?”
“Because I don’t want to ruin things! It’s bad enough my career is gonna go down the tubes, I don’t want to drag him with me! Don’tcha see? He should stay away from me!”
“I don’t think that’s going to be too easy, Vin,” Freeberg began.
“Nothin’ in my fuckin’ life is easy, Doc,” Vin interrupted. “But I can make it easy on Chris and get off his team.”
“Vin, tell me this,” Freeberg said, waiting for Vin’s attention again. “Would a man that spent the entire night in the emergency and surgery and ICU waiting rooms, waiting on word on his best friend’s condition, despite the fact that during that time he found out that his best friend was gay, let him run away and transfer? Would that same man, that spent two hours in my office telling me all about you and how no matter what happened, you would still have a job and still have a best friend, let you run away and transfer? Vin? When was the last time you had a best friend spend every waking hour of his day trying to take care of you? Do you really think he’s going to just stop being your best friend now that he knows you’re gay? Do you really think that if he found out that he was the object of your desire he’d stop being your best friend?”
Vin didn’t have time to think about his answer before Dr. Freeberg stood up and spoke again.
“I think, deep down, you know the answer, Vin,” he said. “And I think you’ve got some time ahead of you to think things out before you really need to make any decisions,” he added, pointing to Vin’s bandaged wrist. “If you really want to go back to work, at the ATF, and with Chris, with or without the romance, I’ll have no problem signing off on the paperwork to let you. If you don’t think you can handle going back there, then that’s how my paperwork will be reflected. Think on that, Vin.”
Vin stayed silent and refused to look at Freeberg. As he looked out the hospital window, instead, he heard Dr. Freeberg leave the room. The man had laid out his options. Vin had only to choose.
Sunday afternoon, 12:40 PM
Chris waited in the hallway for the okay to enter Vin’s room. A nurse had stopped him just before he had been about to go in, asking him to wait while she took care of some of Vin’s needs. She said it would only be a few minutes or so. He was actually glad for the delay. It gave him a few more minutes to think about what he was going to say to Vin.His time in the office this morning had been spent sitting on his couch, contemplating life, love and the man inside the hospital room. And, how all three fit together.
How the hell do you tell another man how you feel? Should be easy, since you know Vin likes men. Not like he’s gonna deck me. But what if Vin doesn’t like me? You’ve been turned down by plenty of women before, Larabee, why should this be any different? You could handle a rejection from Vin, right? Right? Like this is a good time to find out, anyway? Shit, let the guy get out of the hospital at least. Let’s find the asshole trying to blackmail him, first. Let’s-
“Mr. Larabee?”
Chris was shaken from his thoughts as the nurse touched his arm. He hadn’t heard her call.
“You can go in now,” she said with a smile.
“Thanks,” he replied, nodding his thanks to her as well, before entering the room.
He took in Vin’s appearance and thought his friend looked even worse than he had the previous day. All remnants of his hallway conversation with himself went out the window.
“You okay?” he asked, taking a seat.
“That’s the question of the day, now, ain’t it?” Vin replied, tiredly.
“You’re just looking a little worse today, that’s all,” Chris commented quickly.
“Infection set in,” Vin replied, raising his right hand a bit. “Got me started on a whole new set of drugs. Ain’t feelin’ too great. On top of everything else.”
Chris nodded his understanding, repeating, “On top of everything else,” quietly to himself.
After a few minutes of awkward silence, Vin spoke again.
“Look, Chris,” he began. “Shit like this spreads quick. I don’t want you and the boys goin’ down with me. Shouldn’t have to spend your time tryin’ to defend or protect me instead of chasin’ bad guys. ‘Cause that’s just what’s gonna happen.”
“What if that’s what we want to do?”
“What?”
“What if we want to defend you and protect you?”
“Why the hell would y’all want to do that for? You’d just be throwin’ your damn careers in the shit hole!” Vin exclaimed.
“Maybe because we care about you? Or maybe because we can nip this thing in the bud before it goes anywhere else?” Chris responded, looking Vin in the eye. When Vin didn’t say anything else, Chris continued. “Look, Vin. Right now, the only ones who know about your past, about you being gay, are you, me and Buck. Buck was there when I opened the envelope with the pictures,” he added when he saw Vin’s reaction to Buck’s name. “JD knows you had ‘a rough night’ the other night,” he continued on, “and knows you’re here in the hospital, but Buck has reassured him that it was all an accident. You with me so far?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Vin replied warily.
“Now,” Chris began again, sitting up straighter, assured that he had Vin’s attention. “It’s up to you whether or not this is where it stays.”
“I’d already chosen to stay ‘in the closet,’ Chris.”
And look at where that landed you, Chris thought to himself. “Well, if you want to stay there, then you better make sure I’ve got the only copies of those pictures, right?”
Vin looked at Chris and realized that he was right. That he had to keep Carver from sending out more copies to someone else. Someone who wasn’t as understanding… or helpful…
“We don’t want this to happen again, Vin,” Chris continued.
…or like someone else that didn’t want to be in the same situation… Vin looked again at Chris.
“So why don’t you give me his name,” Chris finished.
“Ain’t nothin’ you can do,” Vin replied. “Not unless we’re outin’ me.”
“And if we do nothing, then you’re outed anyway. Just a matter of how you want it done, Vin,” Chris retorted. “Think about it. Think about the team. Do you really think they’re gonna turn their backs on you? Hell, it’s all I can do to keep Buck from breaking into the US Marshals’ office and then into their personnel files to try and find this guy so he can rip him to shreds!”
Vin had to laugh at that. And when he really did think about his teammates, he knew that Chris was right. He’d do the same for them.
“Tim Carver. He’s a DPD recruit. He was in the firearms class. Tried to get me to boost his scores,” he finally admitted.
“But you didn’t, otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten the pictures, right?”
“Right.”
“So if you think about it, the threat is over, Vin. He played his trump card and lost.”
“Unless, for shits and giggles he decides to send them to someone else,” Vin put in.
“What, he’s that much of a bastard? And what’s he doing as a recruit? If he had status as a Marshal, shouldn’t he just be able to laterally transfer in?” Chris asked.
“I don’t know, probably screwed up somewhere, maybe got fired from the Marshals, but nothing bad enough to get around a background check.”
“Unless he’s got something on someone somewhere else,” Chris deduced.
“Most likely,” Vin replied with a sigh. “Still got the question of what the hell to do, though, since I ain’t about to press charges or nothin’, Chris.”
“You leave that to Buck and me.”
“Chris?”
“Yeah, Vin?”
“You really think the other guys would be okay with this?”
“You think about that one and tell me,” Chris replied.
“Shit, you sound just like that shrink, Freeberg.”
Chris laughed at the remark. “He’s a straight up guy, though, ain’t he?”
“No pun intended?” Vin returned quickly.
“No pun intended, Vin,” Chris answered with a smile. “So. We okay, now? And I’m talking about you and me,” he clarified. “I still want you as my best friend, Vin. On and off the job. Nothing’s changed.” Yet?
“I reckon,” Vin replied. I reckon I can keep my feelings for Chris to myself for a few more years.
“Good. Now, you let me take care of this Carver guy. You get some rest and get better, okay?”
“Yeah.”
Chris rose from his seat and patted Vin’s shoulder.
“I’ll give you a call in the morning if I can’t stop by,” he said before leaving.
Vin watched him go and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
Shit. How the hell am I supposed to get through this? How can I go back and work, now that they’re all gonna know? Or, maybe it won’t be so bad, because they will know…
Monday morning, 9:45 AM
JD sat quietly at his desk, trying to look busy. Trying to look busy doing something important enough that the others wouldn’t interrupt him.Where the hell are you, Buck? They know I know. Or they’re gonna, as soon as they look me in the eyes.
Buck had talked with JD over the weekend and had given him a report on Vin’s condition, but nothing more. He still hadn’t mentioned the photos or what really had happened Friday night. All Buck told JD was that Vin didn’t want anyone to know about his ‘accident’ just yet, including the rest of the team, and that he’d stop by the office later and that if the others asked about where he, Chris or Vin were, to just plead ignorance. He said Chris would call the office and let them know something a little later, too.
“JD?”
“What?!” he cried out, startled by the seemingly silent approach of Josiah.
“What’s got you so jumpy, boy? You’ve been a nervous nellie since you got in this morning.”
“Yeah, you waiting on some payback from Buck for short sheeting his bed or something?” Nathan asked, coming to sit next to him.
“Or are you awaiting the wrath of Larabee for finding out about a bit of overspending on last week’s trip to Circuit City, maybe?” Ezra whispered into his ear as he walked past.
JD looked up at the three men surrounding him now, demanding in their own little ways that he spill the beans on whatever secret he held.
But before he could deny anything, Buck entered the office and ordered the three to, “Back off.”
JD couldn’t think of a time he was more grateful to see Buck.
“Boys, we got a job to do,” Buck said, dropping a folder onto his desk. When he saw that he had the others’ attention, and then looked around to make sure that they had privacy, he continued. “We’ve got a dirty cop out there that needs shuttin’ down.”
“Isn’t that what our favorite department, IA, is for?” Ezra asked.
“If this was gonna be on the books, and if it was in our house,” Buck replied quickly. “But it ain’t neither.” He saw the question JD was ready to ask and put a hand up for silence, hoping to reroute the young agent’s thoughts. “Bottom line, someone from Vin’s Marshal days is still tryin’ to fuck with him. He’s in the DPD recruit class - that’s right, recruit class,” he repeated when he saw the confused looks on his team members’ faces, continuing, “Vin thinks he must’ve fucked up somewhere in the Marshals and then somehow squirreled his way into DPD. We gotta find out how and ‘oh so quietly’ let DPD know.”
“So where’s Vin?” Nathan asked.
“He’s at Denver Memorial,” Buck replied quietly. “He got a little upset Friday night and had an accident,” he added.
JD looked at Buck, bug-eyed at the terminology Buck had used to describe Vin’s near death.
“He alright?!” Josiah and Nathan exclaimed simultaneously.
“Obviously he sustained some serious injury if he’s still in the hospital,” Ezra reasoned.
“A little infection set in, Chris said, they’re just keepin’ him there so they can pump in all those good drugs he can’t get at home,” Buck replied, calmly, hoping to ease their worries. “Nothin’ to worry about,” he added.
“What kind of accident?” Nathan asked, wanting more information.
Buck sighed and made a show of looking around the office again before saying, “Got a little drunk and fell down. Cut his hand on something on the way. Took a bunch of stitches, but then it got infected.”
Again JD widened his eyes at Buck’s minimizing of Vin’s injuries.
“So what about this dirty cop?” Josiah asked. “Why’s it gotta be off the books? I mean, just about everybody knows about what happened to Vin in the Marshals; about Nealson and Banks setting him up.”
Buck knew this question would come up. He told Chris it would when they’d talked last night. But Chris just said to go with it. To just say, “that’s what Vin wants,” and leave it at that.
Well, here goes... “That’s what Vin wanted,” he said, simply. “And it ain’t got nothin’ to do with Nealson and Banks. I guess maybe whatever it is, that things would get too ugly if whatever this guy’s got going comes out.”
“And we know how you hate ugly,” Nathan put in, laughing.
“And must we surmise that Mr. Tanner does as well?” Ezra asked.
“Yeah, I guess so. I don’t know, maybe there’s a bunch of CI’s at stake, or even some big operation at risk somewhere,” Buck quickly thought up. “All I know is that if Vin and Chris say it’s best off the books, that’s where we stay.”
The other four men nodded in agreement, trusting their boss and teammate’s judgment.
“So who is this guy, and what do we do with whatever we find on him?” JD asked.
“Name’s Tim Carver,” Buck replied, opening the folder in front of him. “Currently a DPD recruit, formerly a US Marshal.”
Monday morning, 10:30 AM
“You’re sure about this, Vin?”“Yeah, Doc, I am. Soon as I can, I’m gonna meet with the guys on my team and come clean. Like I said, I’m tired of hidin’, tired of runnin’ away. If they can’t handle the truth about me, then maybe they really shouldn’t be my friends.”
“What changed your mind?” Dr. Freeberg asked, though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.
“More like, ‘who,’ Doc,” Vin replied. “Told ya you was damned good. Chris, too.”
“Doctor Harris said those antibiotics kicked in quickly,” Freeberg commented, pointing to Vin’s wrist. “Said you could get out whenever I released you.” When Vin didn’t say anything, but just looked expectantly at him, he continued, “So that should be whenever you want to get out of here, Vin.”
“Sounds like I’m goin’ home today, then, Doc,” Vin said with a smile. His smile faltered then, when he saw a look on Dr. Freeberg’s face that told him that his release wouldn’t come without a price. “What’s it gonna cost me? My job?”
“No, Vin,” Freeberg reassured him. “Your job is safe. Between talking with you and with Chris, I don’t think that’s going to be an issue. However, I think you still have some other issues that need dealing with,” he continued. “I’d still like to see you, make sure things are going well, especially once you’re back on the job.”
“Counseling, then,” Vin surmised. “Ain’t nothin’ new, Doc. Done it before, got nothin’ against it. And, tell you the truth, I ain’t minded talkin’ to you, even if you are a shrink.”
Freeberg laughed at that, saying, “I’ll take that as a compliment, Vin.” After making some notes on his writing pad, he handed Vin his business card. “Give me a call later this week and we’ll set up a schedule.”
“Sure, Doc,” Vin replied as he took the card.
“And, Vin? Remember what I said about Chris. Keep an open mind, okay?”
“Sure, Doc,” Vin repeated.
Monday morning, 11:05 AM
Chris walked into the office with confident strides. He’d just talked to Vin and was happy to hear that he could pick his best friend up from the hospital later that afternoon. He’d checked in earlier with Buck and knew that his team was on the job to find out what they could about Tim Carver. About how they could take the man down. Buck said that he’d already found some possibilities.“What have you got for me, Buck?” he asked, heading for his office, knowing Buck would follow.
“Couple of inconsistencies in some cases in Seattle,” Buck began. “According to one report, Carver’s listed as one of the Marshals in Charge of a sting operation that brought in a couple dozen wanteds. You know, the kind of game they run when they send the fugitives free tickets to the rodeo or something and nab ‘em when they show up.”
“And?”
“And the numbers for arrests versus the numbers for fugitives showing up, didn’t quite match up.”
“You think he let a few go? Maybe for the right price?” Chris asked.
“Just a possibility I’m working on,” he replied.
“What about the others. Any other possibilities?”
“JD and Ezra have been on their computers since I told them, trying to dig up any dirt in his personal life - you know, financial problems, alimony, child support, bankruptcy problems - seeing if there’s any money issues. I think Ezra said the guy’s got two ex-wives he’s paying alimony to.”
“Money wasn’t the issue with Vin,” Chris muttered in reply, angrily remembering Vin’s history with Carver.
“No, but it might have come into play with why he’s no longer a Marshal and is now a lowly cadet,” Buck retorted.
“Yeah, you’re right. And that’s what we need to focus on, right? We want this asshole out of Denver and out of law enforcement.”
“And out of Vin’s life,” Buck added. After a few moments of silence, he continued, “Did you see Vin today? He gonna get out soon?”
“I called him before I came in,” Chris replied with a smile. “I’m picking him up this afternoon.”
“He gonna be able to come back to work?”
“Dr. Freeberg called me and said that he’d given Vin clearance to come back, when he was physically able to.” He was going to say more when Nathan knocked on the door.
“Chris, Buck, I think we got something!” he called.
The two men left Chris’s office and followed Nathan to JD’s desk. JD pointed to something on the computer screen and when he was sure he had their attention, tapped a few keys, changing the screen.
“Son of a bitch,” Chris whispered.
Monday afternoon, 3:15 PM
“You all set, Vin?”“Yeah, got all my paperwork and meds right here,” he said, lifting up a paper bag with his good hand.
“And I got your backpack,” Chris added, hefting the light pack containing some extra clothes and toiletries he’d picked up for Vin on his way in.
“So, you gonna tell me?” Vin asked as he sat down in the wheelchair the waiting orderly held for him.
“In the truck,” was all Chris said as he followed them out and down the hall.
A few minutes later, with Vin settled in the passenger seat of the truck, Chris having to snap his seatbelt in place over his sling and bandage encased arm, Vin asked again. “What did you find?”
“The boys are still trying to find some good enough dirt on him to keep him away from you, but we aren’t going to be able to pull him from the DPD too easily,” Chris replied.
“Why? What’d you find?”
“He’s still on the payroll with the Marshals’ Office,” Chris replied with disgust, putting the truck into gear. “We think he may be doing some undercover sting, trying to flush out somebody within DPD.”
“Think DPD knows?”
“No way of knowing, yet, but Buck’s working that angle.”
“Shit.”
“We’ll find something on him, Vin. Something that’ll get him off your back.”
Vin slumped down in his seat and let out a loud sigh. “Sure, fight blackmail with blackmail, right?” he muttered.
“Vin…shit…” Chris gazed at his tired friend and wished he could do more to comfort him. Wished he could take his troubles away. Wished he could…
Vin sat up straight then and looked at Chris. “The boys all still at the office?” he asked.
“Better be, it’s only three-thirty,” Chris replied.
“Take me there.”
Chris heard the conviction in Vin’s voice. “Vin? You’re not gonna… You are, aren’t you? You don’t have to, Vin,” he stammered out, realizing what Vin was going to do.
“I am, and I do have to, Chris,” Vin replied. “It’s the only way to stop this. It’s the only way for me to stop runnin’. Stop hidin’.” He looked at Chris again, locked gazes with him. “I’m tired, Chris.”
After a few seconds, Chris returned his gaze to the road ahead of him. He nodded his head and changed directions, heading toward the center of the city, now, instead of the outskirts.
Monday afternoon, 4:00 PM
Chris watched Vin closely as they rode the elevator. He could see the nervous tension radiating from him. The normally unflappable man was now tense as a tight coil. He was in constant motion, feet tapping, hands clenching and unclenching; sweat beading on his forehead and upper lip. He flinched when Chris put his hand on his upper arm.“Relax, Vin,” he whispered. “They’re your friends. This isn’t going to change anything.”
“I don’t like it when my friends lie to me,” Vin responded. “They aren’t gonna like it findin’ out I lied to them.”
Chris pulled the emergency stop button on the elevator then, halting their progress. He took Vin by the arms and turned him so that they were facing each other.
“First of all, Vin, friends don’t lie to each other,” Chris said. “Unless one of us has specifically asked you if you are gay and you said ‘no,’ then you haven’t lied to any of us.” After seeing Vin digest that bit of information, he continued, “And second, you still don’t have to do this.”
Vin closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he opened his eyes and reached for the emergency stop button, pushing it in, letting the elevator resume its course.
“Maybe, by your definition, I haven’t lied,” he said. “But by mine, I have. And that’s why I still gotta do this.”
And I think that’s why I love you, Vin.
When the elevator opened, Vin was the first to exit and headed straight for Team Seven’s offices. Chris was not far behind and was happy to hear the five voices calling to Vin, asking how he was, and telling him of all the things they’d found out so far about Tim Carver. Before Vin could be overwhelmed, Chris shouted out for their attention.
“Hey! Easy, now, back off! Give him a chance!”
When the five had realized what they’d been doing, they did back off and give Vin some room.
“I’m fine, guys, thanks,” Vin began. “But we gotta talk.”
“Conference room?” Chris suggested.
“Can we use your office, instead?” Vin asked.
Chris agreed, realizing that Vin would feel more comfortable in the smaller setting, rather than feeling as if he was evidence on display or briefing them on his personal life in the big conference room.
After all seven were in Chris’s office, JD and Josiah having to bring in extra chairs, Vin closed the door. He paced a bit next to the desk, trying to get his thoughts together. The others could not miss the uneasy emotions crossing his features.
“Vin, whatever you have to say, whatever you need to tell us about what’s going on, you can do it. We’re your friends,” Josiah spoke up, his voice gentle.
The comment startled Vin, stopping his pacing, and he almost looked at Chris, ready to accuse him of already telling the others the truth. But looking at the five men awaiting his words, he knew that wasn’t the case. He saw curiosity in their eyes, their wonder at what could have happened to cause his problems with Tim Carver. But he also saw compassion and willingness to help solve those problems. He sat down on the edge of the desk, one leg up, one foot on the floor.
“Go on, Vin, it’s alright,” Buck said, giving him an encouraging nod.
He felt Chris pat his back reassuringly and took a deep breath.
“I appreciate all of what you’ve been doin’ this mornin’ for me. Diggin’ up dirt on Carver and all,” he began. “He’s a sorry son of a bitch and don’t belong in law enforcement, but… but I gotta ask ya to stop, now.”
“What??” from several of the men.
Vin put his hand up to stall their questions before continuing. “If he’s on legit Marshal business, workin’ the DPD for whatever reason, we got no reason to mess with their operation. What happened between him and me is personal.” He took another deep breath, trying not to let his emotions take control. “What happened this past week is that he tried to blackmail me.” Vin looked away from the looks of disgust, horror and confusion on his teammates faces and continued. “Didn’t work, though,” he continued, looking back at Chris. “Found out who some of my friends really were.”
Chris smiled at him and nodded his head, encouraging Vin to continue.
“And I’m sure y’all are wonderin’ just what it was in my past that Carver coulda blackmailed me with.”
“Vin, you don’t have to tell us,” Nathan spoke up.
“That’s right, your past is your past,” JD put in.
But Vin just smiled and held up his hand again to stop their protests. “Yeah, I do gotta tell ya. Because it might happen again. And next time, Chris might not be the one to find out. Might be one of you, or Travis or someone else. Hell, I don’t know. Maybe he won’t try again. But y’all should know what’s goin’ on. Be able to choose whether or not to stick by me.”
“Of course we’re gonna stick by ya, Vin!” Buck practically shouted.
“Thanks, Buck, appreciate it, but everybody’s gotta make their own choice,” Vin replied.
“Alright, if you’re so inclined to tell us, then what, pray tell, did Carver try to blackmail you with?” Ezra asked.
“Pictures,” Vin stated. “Pictures of me and my…my… shit, this is harder than I thought.” Another deep breath. “Pictures of me and my boyfriend.”
He waited a minute for the information to sink in, for the others to react. He saw genuine surprise on Nathan’s face and total shock on JD’s. Josiah had a slight, almost knowing, smile on his face. Ezra didn’t seem to react at all.
“That’s it?” Ezra finally asked, breaking the silence.
“Isn’t that enough?” Vin returned.
“I think what Ezra’s saying, Vin,” Chris spoke up as he stood, “is that he obviously doesn’t care about who you date. Isn’t that right, Ezra?”
“Of course!” he replied. “Just because some lower IQ’d people happen to think whom one dates should have some effect on job performance, doesn’t mean I must follow suit.”
“Here, here,” Josiah agreed.
“Vin, I don’t got no problem with that, either,” Nathan said. “We’re friends here, nothing’s gonna change that.”
“That’s what Friday night was about?” JD asked, ignoring the resulting glares from Buck and Chris.
Vin thought for a second before nodding his head. “Yeah, JD. That’s what Friday night was about.”
“You thought we’d turn our backs on you? That we wouldn’t be your friends anymore more?”
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” Vin replied quietly, embarrassed. “Stupid, huh?”
“Damn straight it was stupid!” JD cried out. “You damn near - “
“JD!” Buck shouted, hoping to stop him from continuing.
“No, Buck, it’s okay,” Vin replied, quieting them both. “It’s true, JD,” he continued, then looked at all the men there. “I damn near killed myself, Friday night. Y’all might hear about that, too, in the rumor mill. I got drunk. Took some pain meds. Then got even stupider and broke some glass,” he added, lifting up his right arm slightly. “Then I didn’t do anything to stop the bleeding.”
“Shit,” he heard Nathan whisper.
“Yeah, shit,” Vin echoed. “But I’m better now. Gonna see a shrink, gonna come back to work, if y’all will have me.”
“Of course we’ll have you, Vin,” Buck replied happily. “You gotta see it. Nothin’s changed.”
“I do, and I’m thankful for it.”
“So what about Carver? He still tried to blackmail you,” JD asked.
“Like I said, the blackmail didn’t work and he’s legit for the moment. I ain’t worried about him no more,” Vin replied.
“You sure, Vin?” Chris asked.
“I’m sure, Chris. Thanks," Vin replied. “Besides, men like him usually hang themselves eventually,” he added, to the agreement of the others.
After a few more minutes of talking, the others reassuring Vin of their continued friendship and support, the members of Team Seven began to filter out of Chris’s office. Before Buck could leave, though, Chris grabbed his arm and held him back.
“I still want to keep tabs on Carver,” he whispered into Buck’s ear. “He’s still a dirty cop, and we know it.”
“Way ahead of you, Boss,” Buck replied with a wink and left the office, calling out to the others, offering to buy the first round of drinks at Inez’s Saloon.
Monday afternoon, 5:14 PM
“You sure you’re okay here, Vin?” Chris asked.“Yeah, I’m alright. Just give me a few minutes though, before I join y’all,” he replied.
“Sure thing,” Chris said, patting his shoulder reassuringly.
Vin leaned against the bar for a few more minutes, sipping his Coke. He wasn’t quite ready to join the others at the table yet. He wasn’t quite ready for the stares or questions he knew they’d ask. But he’d soon find out his worries were for nothing. Just as they’d been at the office.
“Come on, Vin,” Buck whispered, gently grabbing Vin’s good arm. “Remember, we’re still the same boys as we always were.”
“But I ain’t,” Vin said back.
“Sure you are, Vin. Only difference now is that I’ll be tryin’ to set you up with the boys in the Motor Pool instead of the girls in the Secretary Pool,” Buck said with a laugh.
And Vin found himself laughing along with him.
“That is, unless, you’re already dating someone…?” Buck asked as they got near the table.
“No, Buck, I’m not. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“About time you decided to join us,” Nathan called, kicking out a chair for Vin. “Was startin’ to think you weren’t gonna hang around us no more.”
“On account that we’re all straight and all,” Buck added with a smirk.
“Are you?” Vin asked, not even realizing that he’d been looking at Chris when he asked.
Chris now cursed the fact that he and Vin were surrounded by their friends. Vin’s question would have been the perfect opening for him if they’d been alone. Then again, if they’d been alone, Vin might not have asked. He chose to say nothing, then, maybe let Vin take it for a hint.
Vin didn’t know what to say when he realized that Chris didn’t answer his question. Not that he’d expected one, but the other men were quick enough to mention their current girlfriends and reaffirm their heterosexuality. Chris just stared at him. And then lifted an eyebrow. Did that mean? And then he smiled. Shit!
“Vin? You okay? You’re lookin’ kinda pale all of a sudden,” Nathan spoke up, reaching over to put a hand on Vin’s shoulder to check him.
“Yeah, um, yeah,” Vin stammered, breaking eye contact with Chris. “Just tired is all.”
“Maybe we should get you home, then,” Chris suggested.
“Yeah, we cleaned up your apartment, Vin,” JD added, oblivious to what just happened. “Hope you don’t mind. We didn’t want you to have to worry about it.”
“Thanks, JD,” Vin said, smiling now. “Appreciate it. And I’ll take that ride, if you’re offerin’, Chris,” he added.
When Chris rose from his seat and took out his keys, the others said their farewells.
“Remember what we said, Vin,” Josiah added, standing up when Vin and Chris did. “Nothing’s changed.”
“There’s seven of us here, Vin,” Chris began, putting his hand on Vin's shoulder. “And you know what they say - that many hands make for light work? Well, with all of us here, especially me, you’re not going to be alone anymore, Vin. You won’t be tired anymore.”
Once Chris knew Vin understood, he led him outside, to give him his ride home.
End