Josiah couldn't believe his own crust when he heard that Emma Dubonnet was coming to town. He'd known her when he'd been at the famous Boudin Bakery in San Francisco. They'd both been so young: him fresh out of the oven, her recently graduated from the S.F. Culinary Academy in Napa.... She'd won acclaim as a local food critic and was the toast of the town when they'd met.

And now she was here, come to taste the wares at the local saloon and bakery. Josiah could hardly keep his mincemeat filling in his crust!

Josiah didn't tell anyone that he knew Emma — his love life was his own business — though eventually, he did confide in his friend Nathan, and to his credit, the apple pie showed what a good crust he had in lending moral support. Josiah told his friend that he'd once planned to marry Emma — he'd asked her and she'd even said yes — but then he found out that he had been entered in a competition at la Sorbonne in Paris, and no young woman likes to be told her victuals must wait. They'd parted amicably and Josiah had never forgotten her.

Emma waved to the crowd as she entered the pie shoppe. She was the most exciting thing to happen to the town in a long time and the turn out for her arrival had been huge. Josiah tried to get her attention from his place on the shelf behind the pastry case, but the crowd must have blocked her view of him because she continued on past without a second glance.

It's me: Josiah! Josiah Sanchez! Buck and JD mocked, as if he were some smarmy heart-shaped box of chocolates. Josiah was not amused.

You want a piece of me? Huh? Do you? 'Cause I'll give you a piece!

Buck and JD backed down, but continued to giggle behind their crusts. Josiah tried to ignore them.

It was late in the day, and the sous-chef had been careless with the cooking sherry, sousing Josiah in the process. Josiah was ready to be flambéed by the time Emma came to inspect the pies. She was being escorted by the local gourmand, Guy Royal-Icing, and the fact nearly set Josiah ablaze. He was ready to leap off the shelf, to defend the honor and reputation of the love of his life from the gluttonous man. Never before had Josiah wished to be a cream pie, but he wished it now so that he might properly smack Royal-Icing right in the face.

"Do you know this pie, my dear?" Royal-Icing asked Emma.

"Never seen it before in my life. Besides, you know I don't do mincemeat — I'm a vegetarian! Unless, of course, you paid me not to be." She smiled croquettishly and then allowed her benefactor to lead her away.

Tart, was all Josiah could think at the moment. But then he noticed Nathan beside him with a compassionate sheen on his top crust. He knew Nathan was there for him and was sympathetic to his fillings. But deep in his crust, Josiah knew: that wasn't Emma Dubonnet. The Emma Dubonnet he knew was a food critic who couldn't be bought, but more than that, she was a woman who loved mincemeat pie.

THE END

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March 2005

Please do NOT repost this recipe anywhere outside of the Blackraptor website and cookbook.

Characters from "The Magnificent Seven," were used without permission and this recipe in no way signifies support of, or affiliation with, The Mirisch Group, MGM, Trilogy Entertainment, CBS Worldwide, Inc., or Betty Crocker. This recipe belongs to the chef and will not be sold for any reason.