Chris Larabee had not been to his family home since the death of his wife and son.
Now he stood in front of the burned down cabin he used to call home. He moved some debris from the ground looking around, the whole time wondering why he was here now.
He looked over at the tombstones and started walking toward them. His heart was already breaking once again, but he could not steer away from them. He felt like he was drawn to them for some reason.
He looked at the grave markers that read Sarah Larabee and Adam Larabee. Only a few years ago he had written what was on them.
When Chris and Buck rode in that night, Chris could remember jumping from his horse, running to his home that was engulfed in flames. He could remember now, Buck holding him back from joining his family in the fire. He remembered having his heels dug into the dirt trying to free himself from Buck's embrace.
It was a long time before he climbed out of the bottle that he found refuge in. He wanted to join his wife and son for so long.
He walked away, biting his lip to keep the tears from flowing down his cheeks. He walked back to the charred remains of his home, his dreams and his life. He moved a board and underneath the board was a picture frame with a written letter inside.
He had to smile - his whole house burnt to the ground, everything lost - but here lay a frame with only the glass broken. With all of the harsh weather, the dust and the flames, still nothing had destroyed the single piece of paper.
Chris picked up the frame, shaeing away the broken glass. He pulled the piece of paper from it and let the frame drop to the ground. With tears in his eyes he looked closer at the paper...Sarah's hand writing..., he thought to himself. He started to read the letter and he didn't fight the tears any longer...
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Dear Papa,
You told me that when I was born, that the angels in heaven cried. You said they cried because I was sent to you with love and joy, the cried tears of happiness. Mama told me that when I was born that you fell to your knees in tears. She said your tears were filled with love and joy.
Mama also said you were scared. Scared to be a father. She said you didn't know what to do.
Well all ya got to do is love me, Daddy. Hold me when I cry or get hurt. Show me the way to my room in the dark. Show me how to play pranks on Buck. See Daddy, I have all of this worked out for you. But the only thing I need is your love, Daddy, and you need mine.
Love Adam Larabee
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Chris gripped the piece of paper in his hands and he cried tears of hurt and tears of joy.
He turned the paper over and something was written on the back. He looked closer at the paper and could see that it was Adam's hand writing it read...
Merry Christmas Daddy
Chris fell to his knees, not caring that the guys who had made this journey with him saw. He cried tears that seemed to flow forever but only lasted a few minutes.
He stood up and let his black duster flow freely around his legs as he walked back to Adam and Sarah's tombstones. He knelt down in front of Adam's and put his hand on the marker.
"Adam, son, your ma was right I was scared to death of being a father. I was scared I would do everything wrong, that you would not be happy with me. But now I know I was wrong. You are right son, I need your love more than ever. Adam , daddy will join you when the time is right, but for now please carry my words with you...I love you, Adam Larabee."
Chris felt a rain drop on his face. He looked up to the sky for rain but saw a clear blue sunny sky. He felt another drop and then turned back to the tombstone. "Don't cry. son, Daddy loves you."
Chris folded the piece of paper and tucked it into the pocket of his duster and walked back to Buck and Vin. Buck and Vin had come to the burned down home to be with their best friend. Only Buck knew what it would do to him.
"Ya ready cowboy?"
"Yeah, Vin. Let's get the hell outta here."
Buck looked to the heaven's above and he felt a rain drop. "I love ya Sarah and Adam."
Buck had known all about the letter -it was the first thing Adam showed him - but he just could not tell Chris about it and after almost four years Larabee had read it for the first time. The words only broke his heart even more.
The End
