ATF Universe
Vin willingly lied back onto the bed, stretching his arms above him. I could see in the dim glow of the candlelight that he was a little nervous. I crawled onto the bed and straddled his hips. I locked eyes with him and reached out to cup his face. 'Why am I doing this?' I asked myself. 'He trusts me, I know that, but is this necessary? It's a fantasy, he's willing to give me this, to see what it's like, but...'Vin lifted his arms out to me and put his wrists together. "Like this?" he asked, his voice shaking just a bit. He was so damn nervous and I was putting him through this because I wanted something new and different. "Vin...I don't know..."
He sat up and put his arms around my neck. "Cowboy, we both want this. Don't stop now. To be honest...I need fer ya' to do this, at least this once. I'm shaking, I know ya' can sense it, but it's you doing the control this time. I'm givin' it to ya'. I need this, Chris. Don't ask me why...not right now, but please, ya' said trust is our compass. I'm gonna be all right with this."
"I can't, Vin. Not if this is gonna be somethin' you ain't gonna enjoy."
Vin rested his cheek on my shoulder and I held him tightly. "It's somethin' I need fer ya' to do, Chris. If it will make ya' feel better, I'll remember to use the safe word if it gets too rough."
I clutched him tighter to me. Sometimes our desire for each other is so powerful that we tend to lose focus of what we're doing during the taking process. We both agreed on a safe word to be used when the one taking was getting too physical. Neither of us had to use the word so far, but tonight could easily push one of us over the edge, enough for the word to be spoken. I buried my face into his neck and just held him.
"Don't let my nervousness spoil this fer ya', Chris," he whispered. "Besides. When it's my turn, you'll be under my control. We're equals, cowboy."
I pressed my lips to his cheek and kissed him, again and again and again. "You've had fantasies about this?" I asked, mostly to reassure myself that he was truly willing to give himself to me in this manner.
He chuckled a bit. "Would ya' think I was sick or somethin' if I said I have one about once, sometimes three a week?"
I looked at him and put my hands to his neck, brushing his hair from his shoulders. I smiled at him. "Then...how do you see yourself in these fantasies?"
He grinned and put a finger to my lips tracing them. "Spread-eagled, on my back." His fingers began to trace my jaw and temple. "Sometimes gagged, sometimes ya' quiet me with your mouth. And, Chris?"
I looked at him, expecting. He gazed at me so serious. "I am never afraid."
I swallowed as I saw my desire in his eyes. He did want this, for both of us, but there was something else in his gaze. Something deeper. Maybe it was his 'need' for this journey, the unvoiced reason for me to go through with it. "You say the 'word', Vin and it'll stop."
He nodded. "I know."
I wrapped my arms around him and gently eased him onto his back, kissing him, holding his head as he went down. "I'm gonna leave your legs free," I whispered into his ear as I kissed his face. "It's the first time for this and I don't want you to feel completely helpless."
He kissed me on my temple as I nuzzled his neck. "Thank you," he whispered back.
I raised myself and he held out his left arm. "Ready," he said.
I took the sash and tied it around his left wrist. I did it slowly, locking my eyes with him, letting him see my love as much as he could. "Too tight?" I asked.
"Feels all right."
I reached over with the other end of the sash and tied it securely around the slat in the headboard. He tugged on it and smiled. "Just tight enough, cowboy."
I brushed his face with gentle fingers. I just felt the need to reassure him with my touch, to ease his nervousness. He was such a free spirit that to have him tied down would be like clipping the wings off an eagle. Neither of us had any idea what this would do to him. I was afraid of his past coming back to haunt him during this time. Maybe that's what his unvoiced need was; maybe he needed to face that part of his past, when he had been in the army. He spoke of it only once. A superior had found him attractive and had caused Vin to trust him, only to betray that trust in one night of controlling lust. Not even passion would be the word I would use to describe what that man had done to Vin. I still simmered in hatred of that officer and knew that if he and I ever met I would strangle him with my bare hands. What Vin was probably doing now was his way of taking control away from that bastard who took it away from him. But this time, this time it was a willing offer. I knew then, without Vin even saying anything, that this was why he needed me to do this. At this realization I felt the tears stinging my eyes.
He looked at me with understanding. "Ya' know why now, don't ya'?" he asked and it was to confirm, not to question.
"God, Vin," I choked. "I do understand."
He smiled. "Then do this fer me...fer both of us."
He reached out his right hand and brushed the one lone tear that streaked down my cheek. I took his hand and kissed his palm. "Not just a voyage of discovery, Vin. A voyage of healing."
He nodded and the look in his eyes told me everything. "It's gonna be different this time, cowboy, because it's you. I can tell ya' I trust ya'. I can use the words. But this is the only way I know to show ya' just how deep that trust goes. No words can even come close."
I pushed my lips into his palm and caressed the back of his hand with my fingers. "Damn, Vin, what'd I ever do to deserve you?"
He smiled. "Ya' loved me...in a time when I thought anyone givin' a damn about me was in itself a fantasy I never thought would come true. The day I discovered ya' cared, that ya' gave a damn, was the day my heart was able to feel...fer the first time."
I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. I couldn't stop them if I tried. They were quiet tears, softly shed, touching the palm of his hand. Vin slowly brushed a tear from my face with his finger. He then put that finger into his mouth and tasted the tear. He reached out his hand, palm facing me. I interlaced my fingers with his. "Love me, cowboy," he whispered. "Take me as ya' want. I'm yours."
I clutched his hand tighter as I took the bandana and gently, tenderly tied it around his right wrist. I kissed his wrist as I did so. It was not the feeling I thought I would have when taking him bound. At first, when I told him what I wanted this night, it was passion, it was lust; it was a burning fire inside of me. And as we went into this journey, it would probably become that again, but right now, right now it wasn't about control, or submission. It was about love and trust. And for Vin to have his arms tied down while I connected with him...he was right, it was a show of trust from him that no words could describe. My desire had changed. It was no longer my physical need of wanting Vin this way...it was my desire now to fulfill Vin's need.
I reached out with the other end of the bandana and tied it through the slat of the headboard on that side. He tested it as he had done the other. "Fine," he said.
I began to caress his chest, his neck and his face. I could tell he was still a bit tense and I wanted to ease that tension away from him. As if he understood, he slowly closed his eyes and let out a breath. I waited for a few minutes, just running my hand over his shoulders and body. Then I began to caress his nipples, softly running the pads of my fingers over them in a circular motion. He took in a breath and writhed underneath me, just a bit to reveal the sweet spot I had touched.
I grinned. The only thing that I would miss from this was his touching me in return, but I wanted to be the one touching. I wanted to be the one offering pleasure. I knew my time for being bound would be when he would touch me. I was content to wait. Leaning down I began to lick his nipples one by one, rolling the tip of my tongue over them. As I did so, I put my fingers to Vin's lips and he wrapped his lips around them. He began to suck them, moaning. My tongue bathed his chest as I ran it up to his throat. I pulled my fingers from his mouth and replaced them with my mouth. The desire was filling us as my fingers touched his skin.
The night was still young and we were just getting started.
My lips made light brushes over Vin's face. He lied beneath me, his eyelids relaxing closed as I kissed and nipped his angular jaw line. The form of his face was so powerful, but his lips softened that strength, giving his face a balance that had been so many times referred to as beautiful. His round blue eyes, so deep and full of feeling, could flash with anger, controlled but ferocious. Then, without warning, they could gaze at you with sorrow, like fingers of the soul seeking to calm you, to comfort. Healing eyes is what I called them when he looked at me in such a way. Just one look from him, no words spoken, and his soul would wrap around mine like a blanket or a shield. They guided me in my life, the North Star directing this wayward traveler home.Like the pirate he had portrayed this evening in that dance that filled my senses, he had hit on a theme for tonight. The one who ravaged my being with tenderness, had claimed my heart as his treasure and buried it within his own chest, under lock and key. "My Pirate," I whispered into his ear and traced an X over his heart. "What treasures do you want from me, Captain, other than my heart?"
His body relaxed into the bed and pillows, his hands, bound with trust, hung limp against their restraints. He turned to me and kissed my cheek. "Everythin'," he replied. "And everythin' has all ready been given."
I brushed my lips over his cheek and found the tender fullness of his. Gently, I pressed our lips together and eased my tongue into his mouth and he opened freely, welcoming me with his tongue and we tasted each other as if filling each other with thirst quenching life. "It can be given time and time again, Captain," I assured.
"Tell me what ya' want," he whispered. "Lettin' me please ya', to see your pleasure...that's what I want from ya'."
I pressed my palm over his heart and began to massage his body as I continued to kiss him, to make my marks on this living map under me. I moved my lips down his neck, to just where his neck meets his shoulders and I sucked the area, tasting his salty skin and craving more. He turned his head, exposing more of that area and allowing me to mark him. I then moved my task to his tautly stretched arm and gently kissed the inside of his right elbow. I heard him gasp as my breath caressed his skin and I smiled. I ran my right hand over his chest and side as I moved my lips back to his shoulder. I eased down to his right nipple and began to lick the hardening nub with the tip of my tongue. He gasped again, this time his relaxed body tightening at the contact. I looked up and saw the need on his face and I sucked the nipple, while rubbing his left one with my right hand. His left leg bent and he planted his foot securely onto the mattress, giving him added leverage as he pushed against my mouth. He said nothing. He asked nothing. He didn't need to. His gasps, his groans, his movements were enough to tell me where I needed to go to fill his chest with all the treasures I had to offer him.
I scooted down, slowly, allowing our hardened bulges to join in a slow, deliberate caress. He rolled his eyes into his head and moaned as his chest jutted forward. "Oh, god!" he spoke through his hitched breath. I smiled as I pushed forward, teasingly, giving him a sample of what was to happen in the next few minutes. "Easy, Captain," I assured. "Don't want to man the rigging too soon." I placed my hands to his hips and began to massage them, easing my fingers over to his abdomen. Vin loved it when I massaged his body this way, not too rough, just lightly touching his skin. I could see the goose bumps forming on his stomach. He squirmed, slowly, feeling every touch of my fingers and hands. Normally he would be begging me by now, threatening me with bodily harm if I didn't bring him to completion soon, but this night he said nothing. Letting me have the control, letting his movements speak for him. I don't even think he realized his hands were bound. I think he was losing himself in the moment, allowing himself the freedom to submit. He moved again and I watched him, studying his lithe torso. Every turn of his head, every arch of his back...dancing...he was dancing for me once again!
I watched with fascination as I continued to rub the area around his belly button. I felt his legs spread behind me and I positioned myself to where I was kneeling between them. Then I saw something I don't think Vin realized he did. It was too flowing a movement as if it was natural for him, as if instinct beckoned and his body obeyed. I felt his legs, stretch up and out, wide enough to not hit me, and then they circled around to where he rested them on my shoulders, locking his ankles around my neck. The pressure was just enough to let me know what he wanted, without being too much to hurt me. I rubbed his legs. He still wore the pants, but that was all right. I didn't want them off him...not just yet. They hugged very damn curve of his lower body and I wasn't ready to remove them. In a while, but not now.
I reached down behind his raised legs and began to rub his bulge and he responded by rubbing his calves up and down my back, urging me, as he writhed under my touch, to continue. I began to feel the heat more intense now, as my own hardness pressed against my jeans. I slowly eased Vin's legs to the side and he complied with my wishes, but he kept them locked around my waist as I lowered myself onto him. Our lips joined as did our groins and I thrust against him, his hardness exciting me, filling me with hunger and need for release. I shut my eyes as I began to form a rhythm. He moved with me, grunting and groaning. I would cum in my jeans, but that's what I wanted. I felt the ever-increasing pressure. I wanted to feel the hardness, the thrill of bringing both of us to completion without actually touching that part of our bodies with each other's flesh. I wouldn't take him now. Not like he was, bound and helpless. If after we had some fun with the experimentation, then I would see how the wind blew and how the sea fared. But now...now...I just wanted to watch and feel him writhe under me. And oh, how he writhed. His gasps became short and patterned. His hips thrust against mine and as I went down he pushed up. The rhythm that was ours drew us into one body. Even without touching each other's intimate flesh we were still joining as one.
I began to breathe heavy gasps of air as I moved harder and faster against him. I knew he couldn't put his arms around me and so I reached out and interlaced my fingers with his. He clutched my hands tight as his need grew stronger. His head arched back, his mouth opened to breathe easier. The heat between us formed glistening sweat on his chest, neck and face. "Chris!" he finally begged. "Please! Harder!"
I complied, pushing against him with more powerful thrusts. I felt his bulge against mine and I groaned. I was so near, so damn near and Vin was on the verge. He wrapped his legs tighter around my ass, pushing me against him. The rhythm increased with ferocity. "God, Vin!" I managed to croak as I shut my eyes. I was there. I was there! Vin pushed and his body tensed. I threw my head back and I felt the cum fill my jeans as my body wracked with spasms. Vin's body jerked under me and he fought back the cry of ecstasy as his orgasm tore through him.
When I was spent I found myself with my head hanging just over Vin's face. He was breathing easier, taking in deep gulps of air, his eyes weary with the exertion. I felt his fingers ease their hold over mine and I removed my hands, only to grab his wrists. I rested myself on top of him and he lifted his mouth to mine. I kissed him as I felt both of our bodies succumb to the numbing calm that covers us like a blanket after such intense passion.
I lowered myself to where I could cross my arms over his chest and rest my chin on top of them. "How was that?" I asked.
"Damn, Chris," he replied, shaking his head. "Haven't done anything like that in a while. Trust ya' to push me over the edge."
I grinned as I tapped his chin lightly with my forefinger. "You were damn good yourself, tracker. Fell into that rhythm like we were one body."
"We are, Chris. Even when we ain't touchin' we're one body."
I softly began to caress his chest and he moaned. "You all right?" I asked, worried that his arms being in the position they were in might cause him discomfort.
"Want more," he said, letting out a breath.
"I've got more, Vin. I promise."
"Want you, Chris."
"Are your arms all right?"
He nodded, locking eyes with me, telling me with that look that he wasn't lying. "Don't stop now," he pleaded. "God I need to join with ya' so bad, my heart aches."
I licked his lips and he responded by licking mine. Our tongues connected and I filled his mouth, trying to physically drink him in. He tasted so good and his desire for me filled my senses, making me want him more than I ever thought I could. I wanted to taste him forever. "I love you, Vin."
"Show me, cowboy. Show me how much."
I pulled away and caressed his face. "Think you can handle some mouth action elsewhere?"
He smiled. "Ain't gonna be the same without my hands on your head, Chris."
I shook my head. "Don't you worry about that, tracker. You can get me back later. Just enjoy it."
I started scooting down his body and as I did so I began to pull off his pants. Like the dance he performed tonight, he raised his legs up into the air and let me slide the pants off. I tossed them aside as I wrapped an arm around both those straightened legs and kissed his shins and calves. "Knew you were limber, Vin. Never knew until tonight, though, how much."
My hands rubbed his legs down to his thighs and back up to his shins. He quivered under the tender strokes I gave him. I released his legs and leaned back on my heels. "Spread your legs as far apart as you can," I asked.
He slowly separated his legs and, with a graceful lowering, he parted them and I was amazed at how far apart they spread. Almost like a gymnast's split. Not quite there, but damn near good enough. "How do you do that?" I asked, smiling at him with wonder.
He grinned. "Ride horses long enough, want to dance badly enough and ya' can get your legs to do about anythin'."
"How long have you been a secret dancer, Vin?"
"About as long as I've been alive I reckon. Always feel somethin' when I hear the music play."
I grinned at him as I ran my hands along his spread legs, first one then the other. He closed his eyes and I saw the satisfied smile cross his lips. "Ya' really want me to dance fer ya' again?"
"As many times as you want, Vin. Never, ever feel the need to hide your moves from me. I'll always want to see you ride the air."
He smiled. "Ride the air," he echoed. "I like the sound of that, Larabee." Then he looked at me with a crooked grin. "Want to ride you right now, though."
I winked at him, smiling. "You will." My hands went to his inner thighs and I began to stroke him, lightly, slowly. He gasped. "This mean we're saddlin' ya' up?"
I chuckled as I continued to stroke him, moving ever closer to his groin. "Just a bit of groomin' before the ride, cowboy."
I took his shaft into my hands and began to stroke it. "Can you keep your legs stretched out like that for awhile?"
"Don't hurt none, Chris. Reckon I could."
"Good." I stroked harder, getting him erect again and then I lowered my mouth, engulfing him.
He pulled against the bonds, raising his head, his body tensing as I began to lick his hardness. His chest jutted out as his head fell back. He moaned with desire and pleasure.
I swirled my tongue over his length and tasted the pre-cum from his tip. I began to suck and Vin writhed under me. Crying out for me not to stop, for me to take him more. I put my tongue to the underside and licked the vein. He almost screamed, but held it back, forcing it to come out strangled. I knew he had to move his legs and though I loved to see his limberness stretched out before me I reached out with both hands to his knees and patted them. He took the message and bent his knees for me once more. He planted his feet and began to thrust into my mouth. I moved with him, reaching down and squeezing his balls as I pleasured him with my mouth. "Oh, God, Chris! Damn tongue of yours is as limber as my legs!"
I obliged his description by swirling my tongue around him in circles, rubbing the tip against his weeping slit. I knew he would be coming any second and I started humming against him. That pushed him over the edge and he thrust his hips up one final time as he came.
I drank in every ounce of his liquid as his body slowly eased from the spasm and his hips lowered back to the bed. I sat up and gently massaged his hips. His eyes were closed but he was in heaven. I could tell just by the look on his face. "Did I take you?" I asked.
He nodded without opening his eyes. "Ya' took me there...and beyond. That hum of yours is a lethal weapon."
I chuckled. "You always like it when I do that, don't ya'?"
"Hell, yeah. Pushes me right over."
I massaged his hips some more, just gazing down on him with joy. He looked up at me. "What?" he asked.
I shook my head. "You."
He smiled, knowing my thoughts. "Does it surprise ya', cowboy, that ya' please me so damn much?"
"No," I honestly replied. "It sometimes surprises me that you let me please you so damn much."
His face drew down with seriousness. "Ya' let me in first, Chris."
I looked down, following the circular motion of my hands over his lower body. I massaged his hips, his thighs, then back up to his hips again. What he said was true. "Yeah, well, I have a tendency to drop my walls for blue eyed, long-haired, trackers and sharpshooters, who ride the air and spout poetry like honey from the mouth."
"What about droppin' your pants fer them? Ya' ever gonna get those damn things off so I can see ya'?"
"In a minute." I leaned down and kissed his stomach. "Need to do some things."
I crawled off the bed and went to the candles. I checked their status and, though some had burned out, the others were still going strong. I looked at the picture, escaping into those memories and fantasies. I reveled in the memory of Vin's eyes when he first saw this one. I must have been standing there for a few minutes because suddenly I realized Vin was saying my name.
"Chris?"
I didn't turn to look at him. "I'm all right, Vin. Just getting my second wind."
He let out a whistle. "Well I'm on my third wind, cowboy, ya' need to catch up and quick."
"You forgetting who has who tied up, Tanner?" I looked over my shoulder and grinned at him.
"I'm just missin' ya' awful fierce. I know ya' got the central heat on, but damn, I'm startin' to get chilled without ya' puttin' some heat in my body."
I relented. I walked back over to the bed and reached out to Vin's left wrist, ready to untie him. Fun was fun but now we were heading into dangerous territory. I didn't want Vin going where he wasn't ready. No, not even to please me. "Don't," he said, his voice low but steady. I gazed down at him. "Vin..."
"Get the lube and be quick about it, cowboy. Don't argue."
I looked at him, and I could see there would be no arguing with him about this. I wondered where the drive came from for him to want to go through with this. He said he had fantasies about it, but it still bothered me that he would want to do something so similar to an incident in his life that caused him pain. I also knew that Vin would never agree to anything without thinking long and hard about it first. If he was agreeing to this, there had to be a reason.
I reached for the drawer in the nightstand by the bed and he followed me with his eyes. I pulled the drawer open and took out a tube of lube. His eyes looked at it and I caught the faintest hint of a swallow, more like a gulp. I also caught the faintest hint of him tugging at the bonds. Wanting so desperately to flee and yet needing so desperately to stay as he was. God, I admired his courage to face this demon that sometimes held him in a vice. I sat on the bed beside him and rested my head onto his chest. I caressed the area over his heart and lied there, using him as a pillow. "Bastard still haunts your dreams, don't he?" I asked.
"Sometimes," he whispered. I felt his eyes turn down to me. I raised my head and caught that gaze, so full of honesty and need. "But ya' chase him away." I crawled up and kissed him. As I locked lips with him and our tongues danced again, I crawled between his legs. Then I realized I still had my pants on. Ever get into a position, you just don't want to move from? And I'm not talking about sheer laziness either. I unzipped my jeans, then a thought occurred to me. I looked at Vin and smiled. "Just how limber are you?"
"Limber enough, why?"
"Think you can use your feet to pull my jeans down for me?"
He grinned as the image played through his mind. "I can try." And in an instant his knees had bent out to the side and I felt his toes digging down into the sides of my waistband. He began to push my pants down. "Straighten your legs," he instructed. I pulled my legs together, giving him the path of least resistance. As he pushed my pants down, his legs came into contact with my body and I buried my face into his neck, kissing him, sucking him; breathing over his skin. He shivered, but his legs never lost track of their mission. With ease and skill his feet pulled down my pants, and when I felt them at my ankles I grinned down at him. "I'll take it from here." I moved my body to pull my legs out the rest of the way, and our shafts rubbed against each other again. We both gasped at the feeling. I heard the quiet 'thud' as the pants hit the floor. I gazed down at that beautiful face and cupped it within my hands. "I'll protect you with my life, Tanner...with my soul, with my heart. All that I am is your shield. No bad dreams, Vin. No more haunting. The bastard dies tonight."
He swallowed again. "I believe you," he whispered, so soft and quiet that it almost seemed he just mouthed the words. I felt his legs wrap around my hips and he pressed me to him. "Do it, Chris. Fill me so much with you, that he has no more place in my mind. Help me to kill the memory."
It was more than a secret desire voiced to me; it was more than a plea. It was an invitation. To do what that man had done to him...and to help him conquer the fear those actions had caused. "Chris?"
"Yeah?" I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I needed to connect with him through our eyes. I needed to ground him to the present, not let him fade into the past. Not let him become afraid. He swallowed and I could see the shining of tears welling in his eyes. "He had me tied up real good. I need fer ya' to do the same."
"Vin!" I gazed down at him, the horror obviously filling my face. He shook his head. "I need this. I trust ya'. There's some twine in my nightstand. Leather. Take it. Use it on my legs. Also, the kerchief. He had me gagged, too."
"God, Vin, no!"
"Do it!" Vin almost yelled. "You've got me half way there to end it. I need ya' to push me the rest of the way. Help me, Chris. Ya' said that I wouldn't have anymore haunting dreams. Let's see if you're right."
I choked back the emotion. He had asked me at the beginning of this to do this for him...for both of us. I knew what he needed. It's funny, sometimes, when faced with a fantasy becoming reality how you just want to run the opposite direction. But Vin was facing a reality and meeting it head on. I knew if we didn't finish this tonight, we might not get another chance. I crawled off of him, just enough to reach his nightstand. I opened the drawer and pulled out the leather straps and the kerchief. I shut my eyes, hesitating. "How long have these been here?"
"Long enough," he replied. "Waitin' fer the courage to build to use 'em."
I looked at him, gripping the items tightly. "I can't believe you want me to do this to you."
"Cowboy, ya' dropped your walls and let me inside. Everyday with ya' knocks more of my walls down. Tonight, if we're lucky, you'll shatter them enough to let the light in and chase away the bad memories. That's gotta be worth it to ya' somehow."
I crawled back over to him and kissed him. "It's worth the world to me, Vin."
"Then do it. Before I lose my nerve."
I took the kerchief and looked at it. "The fantasies you told me about?"
"Were of you, Chris. And they were fantasies."
I swallowed and my voice choked. "If I get too rough, you won't be able to say the safe word."
He shook his head, not tearing his eyes from mine. "I won't have to say it."
I nodded once and pulled the kerchief taut between my hands. But I knew the moment I sensed it was going too far, I would put an end to it.
"Shatter the walls, Chris," he said and opened his mouth.
I placed the kerchief in between his lips and he lifted his head. I tied it behind him, then put my hands to his head and gently eased him back to the pillow. I kissed his temple. He closed his eyes and I kissed his lids. "I love you, Vin."
He opened his eyes and the look in them was a depth of trust I could not fathom. I found myself wanting to dive into it, to immerse myself in it and never come up for air.
I lay there for a few minutes, just kissing Vin, letting him ease into this, giving him a chance to ease his breathing, to relax. I let my lips linger on his cheek. I kept whispering over and over how much I loved him and it would be beautiful between us that night. I silently vowed to keep myself as controlled as possible. To lose myself in the passion that could easily ignite within me would be dangerous both to him and myself. I would have to tune my body to his, to be aware of any slight change that could warn of the danger. Vin was strong; his will was like that of a lion. He would no doubt force himself to endure this re-enactment, knowing there would be a difference. Me.Whereas that man had taken him by force, Vin was letting me take him. Whereas that man held no love in his heart for Vin, Vin knew how much I loved him. I called upon every ounce of that love and forced it to seep out of my being, through my touch, through my eyes, through my words, my voice. I would replace that hateful memory of bondage with a pleasant one.
When he was able to stare me in the eyes, when he was able to breathe with normalcy, that was when I slowly moved away from him, holding the leather twine in my shaking hand. "Spread?" I asked.
He nodded.
I envisioned the image of that man taking Vin in such a manner and I forced my anger down. I would not let that memory dictate the course of what was going to happen. That man, that memory had no part in this act. I refused to give either of them a foothold. I reined in my fury and looked at Vin who furrowed a brow to me, asking with that look what was wrong. I smiled at him with reassurance. "I love you."
He relaxed and nodded at me again to continue.
I slid off the bed and took the first leather strap. I gently took his right leg and tied the leather around it. I listened to his breathing. He was fighting the urge to struggle. I eased my mouth to his ankle and covered it with kisses. "I won't hurt you, tracker," I whispered. "Know I love you."
I lifted my gaze just enough to see his clenched eyes and knew he was forcing himself to relax. I took the other end of the strap and laid his foot back onto the bed. I tied his ankle to bedpost, leaving enough slack for him to move his leg enough to bend his knee if he felt the need to. I made sure the leather around his ankle wasn't too tight. I rubbed his shin, stroking it with ease. He nodded to me again. He was ready. I took the other leather strap and went to his left ankle where I performed the same action, making sure I touched him tenderly as I tied him. Even with the slightest touch I could tell he was tensing up. I wanted to end this here and now, to forget the damn fantasy, forget the desire to see him struggle and be completely helpless. But I saw the rigid glare he gave me and I knew this had to be done. I crawled onto the bed between his legs. "I know you trust me, Vin," I said as I rested my hands on his hips and knelt there with my knees touching his thighs. "I'll make it pleasurable. I swear that to you."
I forced the knowledge of his rape aside and focused on his body. My goal was to lose myself in him and to have him lose himself in me. I ran my hand along his stomach and leaned forward, rubbing his chest muscles. He was so damn beautiful. His body was long and lean, yet with sinewy muscles that screamed to be touched. Those muscles were hard and inviting and I just wanted to run my hands over his entire body.
As my light massage eased over his skin his body relaxed, sinking deeper into the mattress. He moaned with pleasure as I warmed him and soothed away his trembling. I watched his face intently and found myself smiling at the contentment he expressed. The facial muscles had relaxed and he was easing into my touch, letting me take away his fears. I moved my hands to his groin area and gently rubbed and listened to him groan. I took his penis into my hand and stroked it. He squirmed just enough to let me know he wanted more and I eased my hand up and down. "I'm going to lift you, Vin," I said, wanting him to know what I was going to do before I did it. I wanted no surprises to steal away his comfort. He nodded.
I reached for the lube and drew it closer to me; then I put my hands under his thighs and lifted him to rest on mine. I heard his gasp and his eyes shot open. "Easy, Vin. I'll take it slow. No fear."
I waited for him to relax once more and I didn't advance my efforts until I knew for sure that he was all right.
I stroked his thighs, his abdomen and his penis. He eased back and gave me his silent permission to continue.
I took my penis and rubbed it as I stroked his. When we both started getting hard I took the lube and squeezed some into my palm. I rubbed it between my hands to warm it; then I ran it over my shaft. When it was coated, I made sure Vin was looking at me. I wanted him to see me, to know it was me doing this to him, not some memory of long ago.
He watched me with those trusting eyes and I knew he was all right. I eased my finger between his ass cheeks and found the opening. I gently stuck my finger inside. He moaned as I began to stretch the opening. When I could tell he was accepting the intrusion I slowly slid another finger within. He gasped as I coated the inside of him, stretching him gently. I lubricated the entrance and spread my fingers apart. He arched his head back at the feel and writhed against me. When I knew he was ready, I placed the tip of my penis against the opening and began the invasion with slow, deliberate intent. "I love you, Vin. Love you with all I am." I eased further into him and he gasped once more, his hands clasping the fabric that held his wrists tight. "I love you," I whispered again. He moaned his response as he pushed against me.
The heat was filling my groin and I wanted to move harder and faster, but I forced myself to maintain control. Vin would be my guide and I would not move on him until he was ready for me to. He was the one bound, stretched out before me, helpless, but I was the one bound by his trust. I had the physical control here, but he had the control over my soul.
He looked at me, our eyes locking in an embrace that pierced my being. I looked on him with love and a smile. "Ready?"
He nodded and I pushed myself deeper into him. His eyes widened and he pulled against the restraints holding his wrists. "Vin?" I asked, stopping instantly. His breathing was hard and fast and he pulled his legs against the straps. "Vin, easy," I soothed, reaching out to rest my hand on his stomach. "Easy. You can do this, Pard. I know you can." Hell, I wanted to stop, but I knew if I quit on him now, there might never be another chance to help him face this.
He gripped the sashes that tied him and I saw him will himself to submission. It took a few agonizing seconds, wondering as I waited, if Vin had pushed himself too fast, too soon. "I want to help you, cowboy," I whispered. "Face it with me, Vin. It's me here. I love you. Look at me, my tracker. Look right into my eyes."
He did so, his deep blue eyes riveting on mine. He nodded again and he began to push against me, slow and easy and I took my cue. I entered him some more and he groaned. I felt his muscles constrict around my shaft and I closed my eyes at the heat that action caused within me. He pushed against me some more, begging me with his body to enter him completely. I slid deeper into him and when I was sheathed he released a moan of pleasure that sent my heart soaring. "That's it, Vin! Don't be afraid!"
He squirmed a bit, and I began to stroke him once more. He writhed and I placed one hand on his left hip as I continued to stroke him with the other. He grew hard under my touch and I saw the pre-cum seeping out of his slit. I stroked more and more until he began to writhe with pleasure. He pulled against the straps on his legs, but this time it was out of the need to move, not the need to try to escape.
I pulled out of him just a bit and then thrust back inside. He threw his head back and his groan, though muffled by the gag, was a sound I longed to hear. I felt that spot inside him that caused him pleasure and I began to thrust, forming a rhythm. His body moved with mine. "God, Vin!" I hissed. He was pushing against my hardness, seeking to devour me into him, to join with me. "I love you so damn much!" I cried as I thrust harder.
His groaning intensified and his body squirmed and writhed. He screamed through his gag and I knew he wanted to beg me for more. There was no fear, no trembling, other than that caused by our passion and I knew he had cleared the hurdle that so long hindered his moving forward. I stroked him harder and faster, pumping his hardened shaft. I felt his body engulf mine and I felt both of us nearing the threshold of total connection. His moving thrilled me, excited me. Passion clouded my senses but the desire for Vin to feel safe stayed within the boundaries of my control. We were going to make it through this, but I desperately wanted Vin's pleasure to surpass my own. I only spoke what words of love I could, daring not to command anything from him. I had no idea what that man had said to him during that brutal act he had gone through, and I would not chance any of those same words to pass my lips. I kept telling him I loved him, that he filled my soul, that his heart was beating in time with mine.
I felt myself plunging over the edge and his hips thrust just as he screamed and came over my hand. I cried his name as I spilled my seed into him. Both our cries mixing together, joining as one as our bodies shook with spasms.
I don't know how long our orgasm lasted, but I had never felt such intensity with one before. When it was over, when both of us were panting with the exertion, I opened my eyes to gaze upon my courageous lover...hoping to see contentment in his face, but all I saw were the forming pools of tears in his eyes. I slowly pulled myself from him. "Vin?" I straddled his body and crawled closer, I took the gag from his mouth and put my hands to his face. "Vin!"
He shook his head. "I'm all right," he quickly spoke. "I'm all right, Chris. Please...untie my arms. I just want to hold ya' so bad."
I wasted no time with his request. I reached over and quickly untied his left wrist then his right. I lifted him into my arms, pushing farther down to where he could sit up with me. He wrapped his shaking arms around my shoulders and rested his face into my neck. "Vin, tell me you're all right. I need to know for sure," I begged as I ran my hands over his back and head, hugging him tight.
"No words, Chris. Just hold me."
I felt the tears against my neck and felt his body shake with controlled sobbing. "Vin?"
"I'm all right. It's okay. I promise. Just...give me this moment."
I pulled him closer, rocking him gently. "I'm here, cowboy. Shhh," I whispered the hushes into his ear as I rocked him. I felt my heart breaking. He assured me he was all right, but he had said that so many times when he had been injured in the line of duty, or when he was beginning to fall ill. I couldn't be sure he was really and truly all right, not until he told me what was happening with him. I didn't push it, though I wanted to know what was wrong. I let him weep and hold me until he was ready to talk. If he ever would be ready.
"Chris?" he said through hitched breath.
"Easy, tracker. I got ya'."
"Ya' do, cowboy. Ya' got me heart and soul." He calmed down a bit and pulled away to touch my face. I looked at the streaks of tears that tracked down and he smiled at me. "Can't explain it...not yet. Don't ask me. Just know...I love ya' so damn much."
I reached up and pulled his hair back from his face. "Vin?" I wasn't sure what I was seeing; if what he was doing was because he didn't want me to worry, or if he was trying to ease my fear into peace...because of something wonderful that happened. Something he couldn't explain at that moment.
"Kiss me, Chris," he whispered.
I gently pulled his head to me and placed my mouth over his lips. He opened his mouth and took me in, running his hands through my hair as I felt his tongue swirl over mine. It was as if he wanted to eat me alive and he couldn't get inside deep enough. Damn! My tracker could coach a tonsil hockey team if ever one formed. "Vin," I asked as our heads moved from side to side. He hurriedly ran his mouth over my face and neck and back to my lips again. I tasted the salt from his tears and licked them from his face. "Vin." Kiss. "You." Kiss. "Really." Kiss. "Okay?"
"Mmmmm, what." Kiss. "Does." Kiss. "It feel." Kiss. "Like?"
I pulled away and quickly got my question out before his lips stifled my words again. "Untie legs?"
Smacking sound. Kiss. Smacking sound. Kiss. Moan. Moan? I pulled away. "Vin?"
He growled and pulled my head forward, locking my mouth with his again. "Don't move," he snarled.
All righty, then. I could take a hint. I wrapped my arms around him and lowered him back onto the bed. This game of tonsil hockey would be going into overtime.
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