ATF Alternate Universe
Vin flipped through the channels again. Still the same stuff on as the last time he flipped through them. He was thoroughly bored in his hospital room. He’d almost begun to wish one of the guys would stop by. Even if the conversation was awkward.
None of them really wanted to believe he’d done it. Hell, he still wasn’t totally sure. His memories were still all jumbled. He tried over and over to reconstruct that morning. But even with parts missing, the facts that he could remember fit together. And it wasn’t as if it was the first time he’d contemplated the act. The first time was when he was in junior high school. Charlie had been transferred out of state. He was all alone then, for the first time since his mother died. The second time, was when Charlie died. He’d come real close that time, even had the bullet in the chamber. If it wasn’t for the job… He laughed then. The job. That’s what got him thinking about it the last time. And now, Chris. Or the thought of life without him.
God! How could one man make such an impact on a person’s life? How could you know a person inside and out, have entire conversations with your eyes, open up every facet of your life to him and yet…
Chris was the only one not to visit him. Except Nathan, but he was still somewhere in Mexico. JD said they’d been trying to get in touch with him, despite Vin’s protests to let the man have some down time with his woman. JD, he thought, shaking his head ruefully. He was the only one that refused to believe he’d done it. Even after Vin had told him about his previous contemplations. Not that the others weren’t in shock, they just knew that the sharpshooter had many mysteries still in him.
‘Well, one more day,’ he thought. One more day and he’d be out on parole. Forced to live with someone for a while, checking in every day with Dr. Foley until she deemed him stable enough to be on his own. Of course, by then, he’d be far from stable. No job, no other skills. He’d already given Buck the combinations to his gun locker and safe to remove all his weapons from the apartment. That was part of the deal, too. And he’d be staying with Josiah. That was going to be a battle of wills. Vin took a deep breath and put his head back on the pillow, finally finding some cartoons to watch. Good ol’ Rocky and Bullwinkle. Gotta love Boris and Natasha. Kill moose and squirrel.
+ + + + + + +
“Why didn’t you call me?” Nathan asked angrily.
“We tried, Nathan,” JD replied. “But -,”
He was about to continue when Nathan put his hand up and shook his head.
“I know,” he conceded. “Rain and I were in the middle of nowhere without our cell phones for a reason.”
“When did it happen?” he asked, getting back to the subject at hand.
“Monday morning,” Josiah answered. “Buck and JD found him.”
“Shit,” the dark man cursed. “I can’t believe Vin would do it. I mean, I figured he and Chris would find some way to get it to work, eventually.”
“You knew, too?” JD asked suddenly. “Am I the only one who didn’t know?”
The men looked at each other, then at JD and nodded their heads.
“Shit,” the youngest swore, shaking his head.
“To continue,” Ezra spoke up. “A goodbye letter was found in his jacket, written to Mr. Larabee. The doctors found that he had overdosed on Rohypnol.”
“So what happens now?” Nathan asked.
“He’s been talking with Dr. Foley, she’s one of the hospital’s psychologists, and making good progress. Tomorrow morning he’ll be coming home with me,” Josiah answered.
When Nathan raised his eyebrows at the location, the big man explained.
“Chris is still too close – they haven’t straightened things out yet,” he began. “Buck hasn’t had a chance to clear out the weapons at Vin’s apartment, not enough room at his and JD’s and Maude’s coming to town.”
The men nodded, agreeing with the logic.
“And Vin’s agreed to this?” Nathan asked.
“Yeah,” JD replied. “He wants out of the hospital bad and he knows that this is his only choice.”
+ + + + + + +
Vin looked up, hearing the faint, hesitant knock on the door.
“Mind if I come in?” the man asked, looking to the floor and then back up at Vin.
Vin shrugged his shoulders and gave Chris a half smile, saying, “If ya want.”
Chris nodded his head and made his way into the room, swallowing hard as he took the chair by Vin’s bedside. Neither man spoke at first, each trying to figure out what to say, what not to say.
Finally, “I’m sorry,” was spoken by both, to be followed by Chris’s “You first.”
“I’m sorry I did this,” Vin began. “I didn’t mean to hurt ya by it. But I just didn’t know what else to do. What I said in that letter – ‘bout there not bein’ anybody else but you in my life – it was the truth, Chris. I ain’t never loved anybody else. I don’t want to love nobody else. Wouldn’t be right. Almost wish those roofies coulda made me forget that instead of the other stuff. Would make things a whole lot simpler, right now.”
“No it wouldn’t,” Chris responded. “Because I’d still know. And I’d still be kicking myself for causing this whole thing.”
“What are you talkin’ about?” the sharpshooter asked. “This ain’t your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” the blond retorted. “If I hadn’t been so selfish – worrying about work and all, you and me would’ve been spending this week together instead of here,” he explained. “You wouldn’t have tried to kill yourself,” he added.
Vin looked away, guiltily at the remark.
“But that was Monday,” Chris went on. “What are we gonna do today?” he asked, pulling on Vin’s chin, making him look at him.
“Think we can start out bein’ friends again?” Vin asked, hopeful.
“I’d like that,” Chris replied, putting his hand out.
Vin shook the offered hand and held it, making Chris look at him again.
“Ain’t the way I planned, but seein’ as I’m out of a job, you won’t have to worry about work and us interferin’ with each other…,” he spoke softly, hopeful.
“I’ll keep that in mind, Vin,” Chris replied. “But right now, I think it’s best that we stick to friendship.”
Vin nodded his assent. He knew Chris was right. It was too soon to think otherwise. A knock on the door interrupted the two.
“Well its about time you two got to talkin’ again,” Buck admonished, entering the room. “Gotcha some of your stuff from the apartment,” he said, holding up a knapsack. “Josiah said he’d be here by nine to pick you up.”
“Thanks, Buck,” Vin replied, taking the knapsack, checking its contents.
TEN
“Hey, Vin,” JD called. “Ready for your first day of freedom?”
Vin closed his eyes and sighed, but quickly answered, “Yeah, JD.”
He didn’t care for JD’s choice of words, but in fact, he was looking forward to getting out from under Josiah’s watchful eye. He’d spent a week at the big man’s place, ‘recovering’ and ‘spending time with himself’ as Dr. Foley put it. His only time out away from one of the others being his time with the good doctor.
“You gonna meet us for lunch? We’re gonna try out ‘Dawn’s Place’” JD continued.
“Yeah, sounds good,” Vin replied.
“Okay, we'll see you there around noon,” the younger agent said, ending his call.
Vin hung up the phone and headed back to ‘his’ room. He had packed up his things and Josiah had planned on dropping him off at his apartment before heading to work.
“You almost ready, Vin?” Josiah called.
“Yeah, Josiah,” he returned, pulling his knapsack across his shoulder. “I ‘preciate you takin’ me in this past week,” he added quietly.
“Wasn’t a problem, Vin,” the big agent replied. “Just glad I could help out in some way.”
+ + + + + + +
An hour later Vin was at his apartment. He went through some of the accumulated mail on the table. He knew some of the kids had been helping out, keeping his place neat. Buck had told them that Vin had been sick and in the hospital, but that he’d be home soon enough. He wasn't sure what to tell them. Hell, he still wasn’t sure what to tell himself.
He knew he was fully capable of taking those pills, ending his life. While he didn’t tell Dr. Foley about his previous attempts, even if he didn’t follow through with them, they were enough proof to him that his recent attempt was in fact possible. The drug was in his system. The goodbye note was written. He had to accept the evidence given him that he’d actually done the deed. He collapsed onto the couch and put his head back. How could he be so sure and so unsure about something? Even though he knew he was in much better shape, emotionally and physically, than he was last week, he was still disturbed by the fact that his memories were so distorted or missing.
He thought about meeting with Chris ahead of time. They’d be able to talk quietly by themselves, maybe figure out what would happen between the two of them. Vin knew Chris was still disappointed in him. Knew he was angry. Knew he was feeling guilty, too. Despite the apologies made and friendship back on the mend. Vin was feeling the same way about himself.
The older man had been over to Josiah’s a couple of times while Vin was there. But they had never been truly alone. One of the others had always dropped in as well, making sure Vin was alright. Making sure he wasn’t driving Josiah crazy, or visa versa.
He tried calling Chris, but he was in a meeting. He’d just have to wait until lunch. Maybe they’d stay late.
+ + + + + + +
A couple of hours later, Vin found himself a table at ‘Dawn’s Place.’ He checked his watch. The others should be there soon, as long as nothing suddenly came up. He cracked his knuckles again – a nervous habit he picked up somewhere. Today would be the first time the seven would be together at the same time since before… He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Chris was sitting across from him.
“Hey, Cowboy,” he smiled.
“Hey, yourself, Vin,” Chris returned, reaching over to clasp his hand.
When Chris held on longer than for a normal handshake, Vin looked further into Chris’s eyes and smiled.
“Where’s the rest of the boys?” Vin asked, looking around, toward the door.
“Oh, they’ll be around eventually,” the older man said.
Vin smiled when he realized what was going on.
“So what’s on your mind?” he asked.
“I've been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching these past two weeks, Vin,” Chris began with a sigh. When he got his courage up, he continued, “I thought I could push you away, keep a distance between us. I didn’t want to get too close. I didn’t want to go through what I did with Sarah and Adam all over again. But when I thought I’d lost you, I realized that it was too late. I was already too close. I was already in love with you. And I don’t want to lose that again. Not if I can help it. So, if you’re ready to start over, I am too,” he finished, unconsciously holding his breath, waiting for Vin’s response.
“I'm more than ready, Chris,” Vin replied, scooting his chair around so that it was next to Chris’s.
Chris smiled and waved his hand at the woman at the counter, calling for service. She came up behind Vin and asked the men what they’d have.
“Just some coffee for the two of us,” Chris replied.
“And could ya get us some more sugar, Paula?” Vin asked, turning in his seat to smile at the woman.
“Vin!” she exclaimed, dropping her order pad. “Haven’t seen you all week. Where’ve you been?” she asked, picking it up.
“Been sick,” he replied quietly. “But hey, this here’s my friend, Chris. The one I’ve told you about,” he added, putting his hand on the older man’s. “Chris, this is Paula. Makes some of the best damn coffee in town.”
“Glad to meet you,” he responded, nodding his head.
“Nice to meet you, too,” she smiled. “Two coffees coming up,” she added quickly, marking her order pad.
“Bit jumpy, ain’t she?” Chris remarked.
+ + + + + + +
She clenched her fists deep inside the apron’s pockets as she stared at the men.
‘This shouldn’t be happening. He should be gone. He won’t have me, but I can’t be with anyone else. And that other!’ she cried to herself, watching as Chris wrapped his hand gently around Vin’s. ‘He has the balls to bring him in here and flaunt him! He chose a man over me?!’
Paula picked up the pot of coffee and watched as the other man left the table, heading for the men’s room and made her decision. Picking up one of the kitchen knives as she left the kitchen, she headed for Vin’s table.
+ + + + + + +
Vin turned and watched Chris’s lithe form as it headed for the hallway at the back of the deli. He saw Paula approaching with their coffee and smiled at the woman. Something about her demeanor today bothered him, but he couldn’t figure it out. She seemed tense. Chris even noticed that she didn’t seem quite right after he’d introduced her. During his early morning stops here for coffee, she had always been very easy going, to the point where they playfully flirted with each other. But he’d always told her that that would be as far as it got - that he’d had someone else in mind for his heart. While he’d described Chris to her on several occasions – tall, blond and green-eyed, without an ounce of fat – he’d never told her that the love of his life happened to be his male boss and/or coworker. Maybe she was still shocked about seeing the two of them together. Though she never seemed to be the homophobic type… He was brought out of his reverie by Paula’s voice.
“So he’s the one who’s got your heart?” she asked. “He’s who you’ve turned me down for?”
Vin looked up and saw the hard glint in her eye. There was no playful flirting going on in this conversation.
“That’s right, Paula,” he answered evenly, carefully. “Been through a lot over the past coupla weeks, but it’s workin’ out,” he added.
“Didn’t you realize?” she asked suddenly, hotly. “How could you hurt me like this? You’re supposed to be with me!”
“Whoa, wait a minute, Paula,” Vin said, putting up his hands as he pushed his chair back from the table.
“I can’t love anybody else as long as you’re around,” she continued, ignoring the man in front of her. “And I can’t just sit by and let you hurt me like this by being with somebody else!” she yelled, taking out the knife.
“Paula, you don’t want to do this,” he warned, standing up, glancing quickly at the other people in the deli, who were now noticing the commotion at the small table.
“I have to,” she said, edging closer to Vin. “The roofies didn’t work. You’re still here,” she added.
“Wait a minute,” Vin began. “YOU gave me the roofies?!” he exclaimed, wondering where the hell Chris was. “How…,”
“Just slipped them into your morning coffee,” she replied easily as she slashed the knife toward Vin.
He grabbed at her arm, wincing as the blade cut his own and slammed it down onto the table. The two wrestled for control of the knife, Vin eventually taking control, just as the barrel of a gun appeared in front of Paula’s face.
“You try that again, and it’ll be the last thing you do,” Chris growled at the woman.
She let go of the knife’s handle, letting Vin take it from her and sank to the floor.
“Don’t you understand?” she asked. “As long as I can still see you and know I can’t have you it won’t end. I had to make you go away. Otherwise, there would be nobody else but you and I couldn’t go on,” she explained, tears flowing freely, now.
“I know exactly how you feel, Paula,” Vin said softly, and felt a strong hand on his shoulder.
ELEVEN
Chris sat to the side of the exam bed, silently watching as the doctor worked on Vin’s wrist. Paula had managed to cut it during her struggle with the sharpshooter in the deli. Cut it enough to necessitate about fifteen stitches. He looked at Vin, lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He’d barely spoken two words in the past two hours. He’d answered the police department’s questions, the doctor’s questions, sure. But Chris felt as if he was watching an episode of ‘Dragnet.’ ‘Just the facts, ma’am.’
“How you doin’ over there, Cowboy?” Chris called.
“I’m fine, Chris,” Vin answered, not taking his eyes off the ceiling.
“We’re almost done, just need to bandage it up,” the doctor put in.
“Vin,” a feminine voice spoke from the doorway. “I was told you were in here,” Dr. Foley said.
“I didn’t do this,” Vin spoke up, finally breaking his gaze away from the ceiling.
“That’s what I’ve been hearing,” she replied with a smile. “Your coworkers couldn’t wait to break the news to me about what really happened – today and two weeks ago.”
“Think maybe you could talk to Paula?” Vin asked.
“I’ll see what I can do,” she answered. “I’d still like to talk to you, though,” she continued. “Maybe tomorrow?” she asked.
Vin thought about it for a moment and nodded.
“Regular time,” he answered.
Dr. Foley nodded in return and left the room.
“We’re all done here, Mr. Tanner,” the doctor spoke up. “I’ll get you some instructions for caring for the wound and let you know when to come back to get those stitches out,” he said.
“Thanks, Doc,” Vin replied, sitting up.
Chris went over to the exam bed and handed Vin his jacket, eventually helping him with it, easing it over the injured arm.
“Maybe we can finish that conversation we began, now,” he said.
“I just wanna go home, Chris,” Vin responded. “How about we talk there?” he asked.
“Sure, as soon as we get past the reception committee,” Chris answered peeking out at the other five team members waiting for them outside the room.
After the doctor returned and gave Vin his care instructions, Vin thanked him and headed for the door. He paused, taking a deep breath and letting it out before nodding to Chris, telling him that he was ready. When Chris opened the door and Vin stepped out, he was immediately grabbed by Buck and swept up into a bear hug as everyone began talking at once.
“Vin, ol’ buddy!” the mustached agent shouted. “Good to see ya!”
“Yeah, Vin,” JD put in. “Glad to hear you’re okay. I knew there had to be something else going on!”
“Yes, it seems Miss Paula Cort underestimated your abilities, Mr. Tanner,” Ezra spoke. “I believe she will be on the receiving end of some counseling sessions this time,” he added.
“You know, JD and I found a coffee cup in your Jeep, but the lab couldn’t find anything in it,” Josiah said.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Vin shouted, putting his hands up, as he disengaged himself from Buck’s grip. “Y’all can’t be talkin’ at the same time!” he added, looking at each of them, quieting them. “I’m glad you’re all with me here and I’m just as glad as every one of ya for the way things turned out. But right now, if ya don’t mind, I still need some time to sort this stuff out,” he said. “Please?” he asked.
The five nodded, saying ‘Of course,’ and ‘Sure.’
“You go home and get some rest,” Buck said, putting his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “We’ll catch up with ya when you’re ready.”
“Thanks, Buck,” Vin replied. “Thanks all of ya, for standin’ by me these past coupla weeks,” he added quietly.
+ + + + + + +
Chris drove Vin to his apartment building and followed him to his apartment. The sharpshooter hadn’t spoken during the trip and Chris decided to wait until they’d gotten there, giving Vin time to think. Himself, too. He also thought that Vin would feel more comfortable at home – on his own turf, so to speak, and be more willing to talk then. But when they entered the apartment, Vin just went to the couch and sank down on it. Chris waited for a bit, hoping Vin would begin the conversation, but when it didn’t happen, he spoke.
“What’s the matter, Vin?” he asked. “I’d think you’d be happy, now. You didn’t try to kill yourself. Paula’s confessed to giving you the Rohypnol and will be getting help. You won’t have to lose your job. We began to work things out…,” he went on. “It’s over, now.”
“Is it?” Vin asked, looking over at Chris.
The man in black crossed the room to sit on the coffee table in front of Vin.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“You forgot one important thing, Chris,” Vin said, sitting up, now face to face with Chris. “The letter.”
The letter. In fact, it was not something Chris had forgotten about. He wasn’t sure about the others – had they ignored that fact like he did, or did they truly forget about it? What did it mean? Had Vin planned on suicide all along, only Paula had beaten him to it? The older man closed his eyes and sighed.
“No, Vin,” he began. “I didn’t forget about it. Just wished I did,” he added, opening his eyes to look at the man across from him.
“Think you could forget about it?” Vin asked.
“In fact, as far as I’m concerned, that letter never got written,” Chris continued, taking Vin’s hands in his. “I’m just sorry it took all this for me to figure out what was important. I told you in the deli that I was willing to give us another try. I haven’t changed my mind since then.”
“My head is just so fuckin’ messed up right now, Chris,” the younger man said, trying to hold back his tears.
Chris moved to sit next to Vin on the couch and gathered the younger man into his arms, gently stroking his head and back, letting him cry, letting himself cry.
“We’re gonna get through this, Vin,” Chris soothed. “You and me. Together. That’s a promise.”
+ + + + + + +
A week later and Vin decided to go back to work. Giving in to his wishes, the other five made no attempt at a welcome back party. They just each gave him a handshake or a hug when he came in that morning. He got to his desk and found his mail. Going through and sorting the three weeks’ worth took almost a full hour. The last piece was an interoffice envelope from Personnel. ‘God, I hate letters from Personnel!’ he thought. But didn’t everybody? He opened the letter and his expression changed from dread to a small smile. He took the letter and brought it into Chris’s office, dropping it on his boss’s desk. He watched Chris’s expression change as he read it as well.
| Dear Agent Tanner,
I am sorry to report that your requests for transfer to the Dallas or Houston offices have been denied. There are currently no openings for field agents at this time at either location. However your requests will be kept on record should such openings occur.
|
THE END
Author’s Note – Rohypnol, with the street name “Roofies” is an actual drug. It is also known as “The Date Rape” drug around college campuses. It is a small pill, dropped into drinks, usually at bars or parties. It is odorless and tasteless. The person taking them usually exhibits symptoms that make them appear intoxicated. The person dropping the roofie will “take care” of the so called drunk, taking her home and whatever… Later, upon waking up, the person affected usually has no memory/recall of events since before taking the drug. SOOOO…. If you go out to bars and/or parties, get your own drinks, watch your drinks, etc, and use the buddy system!