Three weeks long weeks had passed since their return to Four Corners. Vin was deeply unhappy. Both Jackson and Larabee seemed to avoiding him and he knew that he had alienated both of them.
Nathan was still a vocal supporter of the wondrous Dr Forbes, trumpeting his praises whenever the opportunity arose. Indeed, Vin had the feeling that the healer was watching his reaction on these occasions and was actually taking some pleasure in building the man up as a lesson to him for his ingratitude.
Chris still did not seem to have forgiven him for the incident in the alley, even though it had been the gunslinger that had initiated the hug. Indeed, he was apparently going out of his way to avoid any one-to-one contact with the tracker. If Vin entered a room it seemed to be a signal for the gunslinger to depart, unless others of the Seven were present, in which case Larabee immediately engaged them in conversation from which the tracker seemed to be pointedly excluded.
How Vin wished he had the guts to ask, nay demand, to see Larabee in private to discuss the problem. He went over and over possible ways to say that, but whenever he thought he was ready to tackle the gunslinger, he found he just could not speak.
Part of the problem was that Vin was uncertain whether bringing the issue out into the open would make matters worse. If he tried to suggest that Chris had been the one to initiate the embrace, the gunslinger would probably deny it and then where would they be? He would either have to accept the implication that he was lying or to call Larabee on it and neither were palatable alternatives.
However, keeping silent and just accepting the gunslinger's snubs seemed no better. Finding himself unable to voice the issue, he had tried to comfort himself by arguing that if he just behaved as usual, the gunslinger might decide to relegate the mishap to the status of a silly incident best forgotten, and so gradually begin to treat Vin as a friend once more. Unfortunately, that did not seem to be happening either.
What was more, the other four seemed to be holding themselves somewhat aloof from him as well. That was actually his own doing, although he did not recognize the fact, for try as he might, he was not acting in his usual manner. Sure he had always been very quiet and not one to initiate any conversation, but now he appeared morose rather than reserved. This demeanour had served to discourage even JD from attempting his usual conversational gambits and so increased the tracker's isolation.
In truth, Vin was almost totally preoccupied. Although he had recovered physically from the doctor's assaults, he could not forget. He was not sleeping well. Forbes haunted his dreams and Chris and Nathan made fleeting appearances to tell him everything was his fault and that he deserved what had happened to him. Then his waking hours were spent debating with himself about going back to kill Forbes. Indeed, his only pleasure was imaging various excruciatingly painful methods of accomplishing that task.
However, he still could not see how he could accomplish that task without disastrous consequences for himself. He longed desperately for someone to confide in, someone who could advise him as to his best course of action. Until he had met the gunslinger, he had never had the luxury of someone he trusted enough to share his thoughts with, and now that man was lost to him, for Chris was barely even exchanging greetings with him.
He debated speaking to Buck or Ezra, but somehow could not find the words. Buck's boisterous good-humour always seemed a barrier to serious conversation and talking to Ezra was often too confusing, as Vin could not understand many of the words the gambler chose to employ. Apart from those considerations, Vin did not know how he could put into words what had happened to him. It was just too shameful, too humiliating.
Had he but known it, both of the latter were aware that all was not well, having continued to keep an eye on him after their return to Four Corners. They knew that the tracker was hardly eating and the dark smudges around his eyes testified to a lack of sleep. They were hoping that Vin would eventually tell one of them what was amiss, though they doubted that the notoriously independent and tight-lipped tracker would do so. They had decided that Tanner and Larabee had had a falling out, and that Nathan knew something about it, but was not letting on what for some reason and dismissed the tracker's behaviour as "sulking" whenever the issue was raised. Buck, of course, was primarily concerned about Chris, but both were also watching the tracker with concern.
So Vin had almost got to the point of just riding out, but did not seem to be able to summon the energy to do that. He just dragged himself lifelessly through each day. Chris seemed to have removed him from the patrol list, and in truth, he was glad of that, as he had no idea how he would cope with the responsibility.
However, he was in the process of mulling things over for the umpteenth time when news arrived that put a somewhat different complexion on the Forbes' problem. On that day Vin and Ezra were sitting idly outside the boardinghouse when JD came racing along the street brandishing a copy of the newspaper.
"Hey, Vin, did ya see the paper today?" an excited JD asked.
"Nope, what's in it, JD?" Vin replied, without a spark of interest.
"Ya remember that Dr Forbes that treated ya in Greytown?"
That got the tracker's attention. He sat up straighter, his chair falling forward onto all four legs with a sudden bump. "Y-Yeah, what about the old bas ... I-I mean what about him?"
"He's dead!"
"Dead?" Commingled elation and regret shot through the tracker. He thanked God that the man was dead without him having to kill him, and yet, contrarily, how he regretted not being the agent of the man's death.
"Yeah, says here some kid gut-shot him."
Vin's face drained of colour. "A kid?"
"Yeah, apparently it was one that worked at the livery. I reckon I saw him when we left the horses there. A good-looking kid, with a mop of yellow hair. I s'pose he'd have been about 14 years old or so. I wonder what on earth made him do it?"
Vin's heart sank. He had no doubt why a good-looking kid might shoot that doctor and he was consumed with guilt that he done nothing himself. If he had gone back and shot the old bastard, the doctor could not have touched the lad, and the boy would not be in trouble now. "What's goin' to happen to him?"
"Says here the local sheriff reckons he'll get off lightly as there are ex-ten-u-ating circumstances," JD enunciated carefully. "What does that mean, Ezra?"
"It means he had a good and sufficient reason for his actions," the gambler responded promptly. He had been watching Vin's reactions with a growing sense of horror as the truth dawned upon him.
"Yeah, I thought it must be something like that because it goes on to say that some other ex-patients have come forward to support the boy and an investigation is being made into the doctor's past. It also says the nature of the allegations against him is such that the newspaper declines, at least at present, to print them. Hell, they must be bad! I wonder what they are," he pondered innocently.
"I've got absolutely no notion," Standish lied, adding maliciously, "but I suggest you take the newspaper along and show it to our esteemed healer and solicit his opinion on the matter. He had more to do with Forbes than I did."
"Okay, I reckon he'll be interested in the news."
As he tore off, Ezra turned to an ashen Vin. "You are not looking well, Mr Tanner. May I suggest we repair to my rooms for a restorative libation."
Vin hesitated and then said, "Thank ya."
Once safely in the gambler's room, Ezra turned to Vin and said, not unkindly, "Am I correct in my assumptions, Vin?"
"I dunno what yer thinkin'," Vin muttered, shuffling his feet with embarrassment.
"Did Dr Forbes ... ah ... do something to you he should not have done?" For once even the eloquent gambler was at a loss for words.
It was no use trying to pretend that he did not understand Ezra's meaning. Tanner hung his head and nodded mutely.
"Vin, I did not know ..." The gambler broke off helplessly in the face of Vin's clear distress.
"He t-tied ...I-I c-couldn't ... couldn't st-stop him," the tracker muttered brokenly.
"I am so sorry, Vin. I should have stayed with you. I should ..."
"Ain't yer fault, Ez. Ya c-couldn't have known."
"But you did not like him. I should have trusted your instincts."
"Hell, Ez, just 'cos I don't cotton to someone doesn't mean he's goin' to ... he's goin' to ..." He broke off as tears started to trickle down his face. "Aw hell!" he exclaimed, in embarrassment, scrubbing at them awkwardly.
Standish reached for him and pulled him against him, hugging him tightly until a series of sniffs alerted him to the fact that the tracker was managing to regain control.
"'m okay now, Ez," Vin rasped.
Standish released him and guided him to a chair, "Sit down and I'll get you that drink," he said.
He poured a brandy for them both. "Why did you not confide in someone, Vin?" he asked. "I do not mean me, but Mr Larabee or Mr Jackson would ..."
"I-I tried, but ... but ... Nathan got awful mad at me, Ez. He w-wouldn't hear a word against Forbes."
Ezra nodded. Nathan Jackson was a good man, but having been on the healer's wrong side on more than one occasion, Ezra was all too aware of how judgemental he could be. "I must admit our healer has sung the man's praises on several occasions in my hearing. What about Mr Larabee then?"
"Chris is sorta mad with me about ... about somethin'. I didn't ... I wasn't game to say anythin' to him 'cos I thought he might think I'd encouraged Forbes." The last was a mere whisper.
"Why on earth ..." the gambler started and then swallowed what he was about to say, asking instead, "Has our purblind leader at last realized that you love him?"
"I reckon he suspects I'm one of Buck's 'funny cowboys'," Vin replied ruefully, without troubling to deny accuracy of the observation. "Do ya think any of the others think so? He'd be furious if anyone said anythin' 'cos it might reflect on him."
"Do not fear, Mr Tanner, I am certain nobody else has the slightest suspicion and I am not eager to meet my demise in the form of a Larabee bullet between the eyes."
Vin managed a faint smile. "Thank ya, Ez."
"What about our esteemed leader and healer? Are you now going to enlighten them as to what happened?"
"Iffen ya mean tell them, no I ain't. It's been killin' me, Ez! It's all I've thought about in days. Hell, I even dream about it. I just want to try to forget what happened. Lessen that boy in Greytown needs me to speak for him, I don't want to even think about it."
"It sounds as if the boy has enough people helping him, so your testimony will be unnecessary. If you would like I could speak to Judge Travis in confidence about it, without mentioning your name, and obtain his opinion."
"Thank ya, Ez, that's a good idea."
Just then the pair heard the sound of boot heels on the stairs. "That's Nathan," Vin whispered, recognizing the tread. "I ain't here, Ez! Please say I ain't here."
"You cannot mean that you would expect me to tell an untruth," Ezra responded, in hushed tones, while hurriedly ushering Vin through the connecting door into his bedroom.
There was a rather urgent sounding knock on his door. Ezra strolled over and opened it. "Why, Mr Jackson, how may I be of assistance?" he inquired urbanely.
"Is Vin here?" the healer demanded in some agitation. "JD said he was with you."
"I confess that I was indulging in some social converse with Mr Tanner on the boardwalk outside this fine establishment some minutes ago, but I am not accustomed to entertaining him in my rooms."
"Did he say where he was going?"
"I do not believe that he mentioned a destination to me, but then Mr Tanner is frequently not forthcoming with information regarding his intended movements. Why you must have overheard Mr Larabee berating him, on more than one occasion, about his tendency to wander off without notifying any of us about his planned excursion."
"Damn!" Nathan responded, most uncharacteristically swearing.
"I beg your pardon? Have I unwittingly offended you in some manner?"
"No, I'm sorry, Ezra, I'm just a bit ... a bit ... Look I just need to see him about something. If you do see him, could you tell him I'm looking for him please?"
"Most certainly. Now, if you will excuse me, I will return to my book." He gestured to a large tome, lying open on the table. "It is a rather fascinating treatise by a Mr Charles Darwin, with theories that would be most upsetting to Mr Sanchez and which I confess I find rather unsettling myself. Have you encountered it? I believe it was first published in 1859."
Nathan was in no mood to discuss books, fascinating or otherwise. When he had entered the boarding house, Mrs Martin had told him she had thought she had caught a glimpse of Vin heading upstairs with the gambler, but she had clearly been wrong. "I-I'm sorry, Ezra, I haven't got time now, but I would be interested to hear about it sometime," he said hurriedly, backing towards the door as he spoke.
The gambler smiled to himself, admiring the skillful way he had disposed of the healer, 'and all without actually perjuring myself,' he crowed inwardly. Ezra was always his own most appreciative audience. He shut the door to the corridor and then opened that to his sitting room. "He has departed, Mr Tanner."
"Thank ya, Ez," Vin said, shuffling out of the bedroom.
"May I make so bold as to inquire why you did not desire to encounter Mr Jackson? It is my considered belief that he may be seeking you to tender a long overdue apology. I know you stated your wish to forget the matter, but I seriously doubt that Mr Jackson will do so and you cannot continue to avoid him indefinitely."
"I know, but ... but ...I just ... I just didn't want ... He's been real nasty to me, Ez. He wouldn't listen when I tried to tell him ..."
"And so you are proceeding to return the favour?"
"Huh?"
"You are not going to listen to him now even if he is desirous of apologizing."
"No! Well, sorta. Hell, Ez, it's n-not easy for me to ... to talk about what ... " His eyes started to well with tears again.
Seeing his agitation, Ezra hastened to reassure him. "Do not distress yourself about it, Vin. You are welcome to remain here with me until you are ready to converse with him."
"Hell, Ez," Vin responded, with a flash of his old spirits, "ya need to be careful makin' offers like that or ya might find yerself with a permanent houseguest."
"I will risk that," Standish replied, grinning. "Now let us indulge ourselves with that restorative I promised you earlier." So saying, he reached for the brandy bottle.
Meanwhile Nathan had hastened to the saloon in search of Chris Larabee. He hurried in, and without preamble, blurted, "Chris, I think I've made a terrible mistake over Vin."
The gunslinger's heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean? He's okay, isn't he?" Chris demanded in concern.
"I wish I knew."
"Ya've lost me, Nate," a bemused Larabee said.
"You remember how he disliked Dr Forbes?"
"Yeah, he seemed to want me to shoot him," the gunslinger replied, grinning at the memory of a confused tracker, still half asleep, asking hopefully if he had killed Forbes. "Seemed a bit extreme even for the world's worst patient."
"Yes, well it appears it might not have been a bad idea."
"Huh?" Larabee was completely taken aback. "I thought ya liked Forbes. Ya've certainly talked about him often enough."
"I know. I was a fool. Vin tried to tell me what he was like, but I wouldn't listen. I accused him of lying because he did not like the man. Now look at this!" He thrust the newspaper in front of Chris, giving him merely the time to skim the first couple of paragraphs, before demanding, "Remember that boy at the livery?"
"Yeah, the lippy one! I guess he really must have hated Forbes, but I still don't see what this has got to do with Vin."
"You even commented that the boy reminded you of Vin."
"Yeah, 'cos of his attitude towards medical treatment."
"He was like Vin in another way too," Nathan commented quietly.
"What do ya mean, Nate?"
"You may have noticed he was a very pretty boy."
"Vin ain't ..." Larabee started hurriedly. He could not possibly acknowledge the tracker was good-looking when he was trying so hard to distance himself from those treacherous feelings he had developed for him.
"Isn't he?" the healer interrupted.
"What are ya tryin' to say, Nate?" the gunslinger asked suspiciously. He wondered if the healer had somehow come to suspect his feelings for Vin and was trying to trap him into some sort of admission, though for the life of him he could not imagine why Jackson should wish to do that.
"Did Vin ever try to tell you why he wanted Forbes dead?" In truth, Nathan would have normally expected Larabee to be Tanner's natural confidant, since the pair had always been so close, and so he wondered if Vin would have attempted to tell the gunslinger what had happened only to be rebuffed by him as well.
"No, he never said anything to me. I assumed he was just confused by the drug and did not really mean it," Chris said, choosing not to explain that Vin had never had a chance to speak with him privately because he had not allowed him one. "Did he tell you?"
"He told me, at least he tried to tell me but I wasn't having a bar of it, that Forbes had assaulted him."
The gunslinger felt a shiver pass through him. Larabee was no coward, but he did not want to face that. Deliberately turning away from what he greatly feared was Jackson's real meaning, he said, "Hell, Nate, I bet ya've been tempted to hit him a time or two yerself."
Nate simply shook his head. He knew that Larabee was merely trying to make something true by wishing, but really understood what he had meant.
"Nate, he didn't ... Please say that he didn't." The gunslinger was almost pleading.
"I wish I could," Nathan responded sadly.
"How bad? Just touchin'? That could've been an accident given where the wound was, couldn't it?" Larabee realized he was babbling, but anything was better than the likely truth.
"Worse, I reckon. Of course, damned fool that I am, I didn't let Vin say it, but from what Forbes told me, I think he must have raped him."
"From what Forbes told you?" Larabee questioned incredulously.
"Yes, he played me for a sucker and I swallowed what he said hook, line and blasted sinker," Jackson admitted and proceeded to recount the doctor's words, even the part that involved Larabee's name.
"And you just accepted what he said?"
"Yes," Jackson replied shamefaced. "Well, I argued a bit, but Forbes was mighty convincin' and it seemed plausible. I mean Forbes appeared to be a respectable married man and Vin ..." He broke off uncertain of the wisdom of proceeding further.
"And Vin?" Larabee prompted inexorably.
"Well, have you ever seen him really interested in a woman? And don't say Charlotte Richmond because that woman made all the running there and I believe Vin was completely out of his depth."
"Yeah, I agree with ya there, but if he found the right woman ..."
"I think he has already found the person he loves."
That jolted Larabee. "Who is she?" he questioned, hoping the irrational surge of jealousy he felt was not apparent.
"I said 'person'. I didn't say it was a woman."
Larabee stared at him. "Who do ya mean?" he demanded. The thought that Vin might have found a woman had been bad enough, but he just could not stomach the idea that the tracker might have found another man.
Realizing that what he was about to say might well be badly received, Jackson hesitated and then said, "Who does he always ask for when he's sick or hurt? Haven't you ever noticed how his eyes change when they look at you, Chris? He might have the rest of his face under control, but his eyes light up when he sees you. I'm sure he loves you and that's why I've come to you to help me to help him. I know you're probably very uncomfortable with the idea that another man loves you, but ..."
"No!"
"Please, Chris, he needs someone he trusts. I know you don't feel happy about his feelings towards you but ..."
"No, that isn't what I meant, Nate. Not at all! I just hope you are right in your suspicions about Vin's feelin's towards me. Hell, I've tried to deny it long enough, especially to myself, but I love Vin Tanner."
"Wh-What?" The healer was absolutely flabbergasted. When Forbes had made the suggestion about Larabee and Tanner, he had been completely sincere in his total rejection of the notion. Until Larabee's startling admission, he had always imagined that eventually the attractive Mrs Travis would manage to persuade the gunslinger down the aisle.
"You heard me." Chris' voice was rough to cover his embarrassment.
"D-Does Vin know?"
"No. Hell, the way I've been treatin' him lately, I reckon he probably thinks I don't even like him any more. Ya see it came as a bit of a nasty shock when I realized the true nature of my feelin's for him, so I tried to handle it by blamin' him and tryin' to keep away from him lest he tempt me again."
"Tempt you?" Nathan echoed.
"That day he cut his foot. You remember I was angry that he was late and so I made some uncalled for comments about his inability to read and he walked out. Well, I followed him because I knew he was upset and I found myself huggin' him and I sorta realized that the nature of my feelin's had changed. Well, like a pigheaded fool, I didn't want to recognize exactly what they had changed to and decided that the whole thing was his fault, so I decided to distance myself from him."
"I guess we've both got a heap of atoning to do."
"Yeah, and it'll be no more than we deserve if he chucks our apologies right back in our damned faces. Have ya got any idea where he is?"
"JD saw him with Ezra earlier on, so I asked Standish. He said Vin did not say where he was going."
"Yeah, that sounds like Vin. We'd better try the livery first and see if Peso is there."
The pair were relieved to discover the cantankerous animal was in his stall and so Vin was probably in the town, but try as they could, they could find no sign of him and no one seemed to have seen him anywhere.
Finally an exhausted healer confessed, "I can't think of anywhere else he could be."
"But even Vin can't just vanish into thin air! There must be some place we haven't checked."
"Perhaps we should enlist the others' help."
"No, they'd ask awkward questions. I don't think the kid has noticed anything going on and Josiah's too involved with that sermon he's writing, but Buck has definitely sussed we're up to somethin'. He's bein' casual about it, but he's watchin' our every move." He gestured discreetly towards the ladies' man, who was lolling in a chair outside the jail, seemingly dozing under his lowered hat brim.
"I suppose we could ask Ezra though. He sent JD to me with that paper so I reckon he probably suspects that Forbes ..."
"Hell, that's it!" Larabee interrupted. "I'll bet Vin's hidin' out in his rooms."
"But Ezra said Vin never told him his destination."
"He wouldn't need to if he wasn't goin' anywhere. Knowing that damned gambler I'm sure he could stand there and swear black was white without battin' an eyelid, but he prefers to play with words if he can. Did he actually say Vin wasn't with him?"
"Yes! Well, not exactly. He implied as much. He said something along the lines of not being used to entertaining Vin in his rooms."
"I knew it! Not used to! That didn't mean he wasn't doin' it."
"I reckon you're right, Chris. That slippery devil! You know he even tried to get me into a conversation about books when he must have realized that I was eager to be off. That damned, devious ..."
"Yeah, well ya can call him for it later. The important thin' now is to find Vin."
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