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After leaving Travis´ office, Chris made his way down to his own.“How´d it go?” Buck asked as he entered the bullpen from the hallway.
“All right, I guess,” Chris answered absently. “How are things going here?”
Josiah approached him with a file in his hand. “They´ve been going over Collings´ files,” he stated. “For every five cases he helped solve, there was one that managed to conveniently slip through their fingers. Too conveniently if you get my drift.”
Chris took the file and gave it a cursory review. “Yeah, well, that doesn´t really come as a surprise at this point. He told Vin as much.” His expression turned grim as he recalled Vin´s re-telling of the profiler´s boasts. “Do we have any more on the body count?”
“Those two from Seattle are officially still missing,” Nathan replied. “The girl in New York was killed the same way as the two here. I don´t think they´ll have any trouble tying that one to Collings. They´re cross-referencing suspicious disappearances with the cities where he conducted the seminars. So far they haven´t come up with anything other than the ones we know about.”
Chris laid the file on the nearest desk and rubbed a hand wearily over his face. “Doesn´t mean they´re not out there,” he sighed. “But that´s the FBI´s case now. Anything more on whoever was dealing with Bertolli?”
“We´ve got half a dozen suppliers Bertolli was shipping to,” Josiah replied. “Collings kept good records. We´ve got dates, names, locations. You name it. They weren´t easy to get to, mind you, but it turns out Eckhardt is almost as good at that computer stuff as JD.”
“He probably planned on destroying them before he left the country,” Chris mused. “But now that we´ve got them, let´s get to work on wrapping this up. The sooner we can put this case behind us, the better.”
“He… uh… also had a file on you Chris,” Nathan added reluctantly.
Chris crossed the room to take the sheets the other agent was holding out. It read like a chronology of his life. Every advancement he´d made since leaving the Denver police force was well detailed. As he turned the page, he paled slightly. The bombing that had taken his wife and son from him was reported in such an impersonal, off-hand manner that it made his blood run cold. “Sick bastard,” he hissed angrily.
“And he had stuff on Vin, too,” Buck commented quietly. “Nothing as elaborate, though. Looked like maybe it was taken out of his personnel file. How he was orphaned as a kid, his time with the Rangers, the Marshals, stuff like that. Eckhardt says the file was created the first night Collings was here in Denver.”
The words were delivered as mere facts, but their implications went a lot deeper. Collings had obviously seen something between him and Vin that very first day and had set out to use that as a weapon against Chris. But what? He kept running that first meeting through his mind. He couldn´t recall a single thing that might have given them away, and that´s what worried him most of all. They were always so careful. For all intents and purposes, their relationship really did stop at the door and that was the way they both wanted it. On the job they were professionalism personified.
But something had given them away. And if Collings could see it after only a few hours, then what about everyone else they encountered in the course of the job? Were they really that transparent? Had they maybe grown complacent in the time they´d been together? He needed to know. If it was something they´d done, something he´d done, he couldn´t take the risk of it happening all over again. He wouldn´t see one more person die just because they were important to him. He couldn´t.
“Collings still in hospital?” he asked absently.
“Yeah,” Buck answered quietly. “He´ll be there for a while yet.” Glancing at his watch, he got to his feet. “Unlike JD, who´s getting out this morning. I´m heading back there now to pick him up. You need a ride?”
“Drop me off at the garage, will you, Buck? I want to pick up the Ram before I go back.”
Buck nodded and grabbed his jacket while Chris turned to the other two agents. “Keep working on Bertolli´s contacts. Anything comes up, you know where to reach me.”
+ + + + + + +
They rode in silence for a few minutes before Buck cleared his throat. “I should have told you, Chris. Back when Collings got shot, I mean.”
Chris almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. Seemed everyone wanted to shoulder the blame except the person actually responsible. Vin was right. The only one to blame was Collings.
“You did what you thought was right at the time,” he sighed in response to Buck´s comment. “Hell, I probably would have done the same thing.”
“Maybe,” Buck allowed reluctantly. “But when he showed up here…”
“You assumed he´d gotten over it, like any normal, healthy person would have,” Chris said. “You´re no more to blame for not telling me than I am for not seeing it in the first place.”
Buck was quiet for a moment. “Doesn´t stop me from wishin´…” he said in a soft voice.
“Yeah,” Chris murmured. “Me too.”
The silence was broken a few minutes later by the ringing of Chris´ cell phone. “Larabee.”
He listened for a moment, glancing over at Buck. “Why?”
After another short pause, he breathed a tired sigh. “Yeah, OK.”
Buck waited until he´d closed the phone and put it back in his pocket. “Trouble?” he asked simply.
“Don´t know,” Chris admitted thoughtfully. “Collings wants to see me.”
Wilmington frowned in obvious concern. “Think that´s a good idea?”
Chris let his breath out slowly. “Guess I´ll know soon enough,” he finally said.
+ + + + + + +
A guard stood outside of Collings´ room and Chris had to show his badge before he could enter. Agent Johnson stood at the end of the bed, arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at the injured man.
“Well, here I am,” Chris said grimly as he moved toward the other man.
Johnson looked up and offered Chris a wry smile. “I wasn´t sure you´d come.”
“He say what he wanted to see me about?” the blonde asked, his voice low and cold.
Johnson returned his gaze to the man in the bed. “No. Just said it had to be you.”
Collings stirred then, struggling to climb out from under the effects of the pain medication. “Larabee,” he croaked upon seeing Chris.
“Johnson said you wanted to see me,” Chris replied, eyes narrowed.
Collings´ gaze flitted to Johnson. “Can we have a minute?”
The other FBI agent hesitated. “I´m not sure that´s such a good idea.”
“Don´t worry,” Chris grated. “I wouldn´t waste a bullet.”
Johnson looked from one to the other, then nodded. “OK, I´ll give you a few minutes, but I´ll be right outside.”
Chris didn´t move from his place at the foot of the bed as he was left alone with the injured man. “Start talking,” he said shortly.
“I need your help,” Collings rasped. “I can´t go to prison, Chris. You know that. Do you have any idea how many men I´ve put away? They´d love to get their hands on me.”
Chris couldn´t believe what he was hearing. “You´re kidding, right?” he scoffed.
Collings´ eyes were desperate, pleading. “Just tell them it was a mistake. A misunderstanding. They´ll listen to you.”
“You tried to kill one of my men!” Chris grated incredulously. “You´re lucky I don´t just put a bullet in you right now.”
The eyes watching his turned hard. “You owe me, Larabee,” he growled. “After what you took from me, you owe me!”
Larabee moved quickly to the side of the bed, glaring angrily down at the man lying there. “I don´t owe you a fucking thing, Collings,” he hissed. “And even if I did, you think that would keep you out of prison? You killed innocent kids for no other reason than they wanted to be cops! You may have crippled my best friend! What kind of sick sonovabitch are you?”
“Best friend?” Collings sneered. “He´s more than that and we both know it. You think the bureau´s going to look the other way on this one?”
Chris had to grip the bedrail hard to keep himself from throttling the man right there and then.
Collings took the blonde´s brief silence as a good sign. “You help me and I´ll make it all go away, Larabee. I´ll tell them I made up the part about you and Tanner. I´ll take it all back, Chris, I swear. You get me out of this and we´ll be even.”
Chris could only gape at the other man. He really was crazy. In his warped, twisted mind, he really believed that he could somehow get away with everything he´d done. Leaning closer, he narrowed his green eyes. “If I have my way, you´ll never see the light of day again,” he growled, “and even then we won´t be even.” He straightened then, his lips turning up slightly in a sneer. “You´re going to rot in prison, Collings, and I wouldn´t help you if I could.”
With that, he turned and left the room, ignoring the other man angrily calling his name.
“He still in one piece?” Johnson asked, only half joking.
“Never laid a hand on him,” Chris sighed, raking a hand through his hair. “He thought I could help keep him out of prison.”
“How?” Johnson frowned. “He´s already admitted to killing Stewart and Baxter; and Roswell identified him as the guy who set him up. It´s going to take a major miracle to keep him out of prison. Hell, Larabee, even you aren´t that good.”
Chris allowed a small smile. “Yeah, that´s pretty much what I told him,” he replied. “See you around.”
+ + + + + + +
He slipped quietly into the room to find Debbie changing the bag on Tanner´s IV while he slept in a semi-reclined position. “How is he?” he whispered.
She smiled. “Exhausted, I´m guessing. Everything he´s been through finally combined with the pain meds to knock him out. The rest will do him good.”
Chris nodded and took a seat beside the bed. He heard the nurse moving around the room but didn´t take his eyes off the sleeping man. After a few minutes he heard the door open and didn´t have to turn around to know they were alone.
He reached over and took the Texan´s good hand in his. The contact caused the injured man to stir slightly and two blue slits appeared in the bruised face.
“Chris?”
“Shhhh,” the blonde soothed, gently stroking the hair from his friend´s forehead. “Sleep now.”
The hand he was holding squeezed his slightly and the eyes slowly closed once again. “´M sorry, Chris,” the injured man murmured.
Chris closed his own eyes against the tears suddenly welling within them. Bringing the hand to his lips, he kissed it gently. “Me, too,” he replied in a hoarse whisper.
When Debbie returned a few minutes later, she found the blonde sound asleep, his head resting on the bed beside the smaller man, their hands loosely entwined. She couldn´t resist a smile and a small shake of her head. They were, without a doubt, two of the most stubborn men she´d ever met, but at least they were both finally getting some rest. Determined not to wake them, she went about her tasks as quietly as possible.
+ + + + + + +
He awoke to the feel of fingers carding gently through his hair. Raising his head slowly, his gaze settled on the sad blue eyes watching him. “Hey,” he murmured around a small smile.
“Hey, yerself,” Vin replied. “Didn´t mean ta wake ya.”
Chris straightened in his chair. “It´s all right. Didn´t mean to fall asleep.”
“Ya still look tired,” the long-haired man pointed out.
“I´m OK,” Chris replied with a slight shake of his head. “How are you doing?”
In response, Vin took the blonde´s hand and placed it gently on his own sheet-clad leg. With a slow smile, he replied softly, “Ain´t felt nothin´ so good in a long time, pard.”
Chris´ eyes widened slightly and he couldn´t resist moving his hand to gently stroke the Texan´s leg. “You can … you can feel that?”
Vin nodded, still smiling despite his eyes filling with tears. “Right down to my toes, Chris.”
“God, Vin,” he breathed. “That´s the best damned news I´ve had in a long time,” he grinned. “Can … can you move?”
He watched as Vin concentrated on doing just that. When he saw the faint movement under the sheets, the breath he hadn´t realized he´d been holding rushed out in an exclamation of relief.
“Doc says it´ll get better. ‘Spects a full recovery. Could be walkin´ outta here any day now.”
“Thank God,” Chris murmured, leaning in to deposit a firm, gentle kiss on the other man´s lips. When he pulled back, he was struck with the same sad look he´d seen in those blue eyes earlier. “Vin, what´s wrong?” he asked, suddenly concerned.
Vin turned away for a moment, staring out the window as though trying to collect his thoughts. When he turned back, his eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “Reckon I´s just wonderin´ if I still got a place ta walk to,” he whispered. “I hurt ya, Chris. Hurt ya real bad. Didn´t mean ta, I just…”
Chris gently placed two fingers against the trembling lips to stem the flow of words. “Now you listen to me, pard,” he began softly. “The important thing is you´re going to get better. You will walk again and it doesn´t matter where to, you got that? All that matters is that wherever it is, we´ll be walking together. That´s the only way it can be, Cowboy. I´m not ever going to leave your side, no matter what, you understand?”
Swallowing hard, he tried to keep the tears in check. The words had gone a long way toward soothing his wounded soul, but he still had things he needed to say. “Don´t ever wanna see that look in your eyes again, Chris. Sure as Hell don´t wanna be responsible for puttin´ it there. I´d walk away first. Reckon it´d kill me, but I´d do it.”
“No walking away,” Chris countered gently. “The only way you could ever hurt me is by trying. I meant what I said, Vin. There isn´t a place on this earth you can go that I won´t follow.” His throat constricted with emotion, he struggled to continue. “You´re my life, Tanner. Without you, I´ve got nothing, don´t you know that by now?”
Vin ducked his head as the first of his tears escaped. When he looked up again, his eyes were glassy and bright. “Reckon I just need remindin´ from time ta time,” he whispered with the ghost of a smile.
“Once I get you home, I´m going to spend the rest of my life reminding you,” Chris murmured, stroking his hair lightly. “Think you can live with that?”
“Don´t think I could stand ta live without it,” Vin replied quietly. “Ain´t sure I deserve it, though.”
“God, Vin, you deserve so much more than I could ever give you,” Larabee countered. “You don´t have to earn my love. All you ever have to do is accept it.”
Vin allowed those words to seep into his heart, drowning some of the pain that still lingered there. “Ain´t always easy, though, is it?”
“I´m not sure it´s supposed to be easy,” Chris replied. “But I do know it´s always, always worth it.”
Tanner raised his good hand to gently cup his lover´s face. “Never blamed ya, Chris, not for a minute,” he whispered fiercely. “Them things I said, I was just …”
“I know,” Chris assured him, turning his head to kiss his partner´s palm. “You don´t need to explain.”
“Yeah, I do,” Vin urged quietly. He waited until the green eyes were once again fixed on his. “I never meant you were the reason I´s crippled. I only meant that lovin´ me was what put that pain in yer eyes. Woulda gladly gave up my legs willingly if only I coulda took that away.”
Chris´ eyes filled with tears even as a burden lifted from his heart. He couldn´t speak for a moment, and when he did, his voice was little more than a whisper. “You really are somethin´ else, Tanner.”
It was as though he could physically feel the air clear between them. All the misunderstandings and residual guilt seemed to melt away in the warmth of the love that flowed between them. “Yeah?” He flashed that cocky grin of his. “Ya really think so?”
“I know so,” Chris smiled, leaning in to kiss the younger man gently. “And I´ve never loved you more than I do right now.”
Vin hadn´t expected such a declaration and the teasing smile was replaced with a look of wide-eyed wonder. Swallowing hard, he had to take a minute to allow the fluttering in his chest to calm before he could speak. “Damn, Larabee,” he breathed. “Ya shouldn´t oughtta be sayin´ things like that to a man in my condition.”
“You suggesting maybe I should find myself someone else to say them to?” Chris teased.
Blue eyes narrowed in mock severity. “Ya do and I´ll kick that ass of yers,” he threatened. “See how fast I get my movement back then.”
Chris laughed. “Don´t think I want to take that chance. Guess I´ll just have to keep saying them to you and hope you can handle it.”
The corners of the Texan´s mouth lifted in a teasing smile. “Maybe I just need ta build up some endurance. You know, just keep hearin´ ‘em over and over like some kinda therapy.”
“I think maybe I could help out with that,” Chris murmured, mesmerized by the twinkle that had been missing from the blue eyes he loved so much. “Always willing to do my part for therapy.”
“Yer a dedicated guy, all right,” Vin replied with a lop-sided grin, knowing full well the effect it would have on his lover.
Chris could no longer resist that teasing mouth and leaned in to capture the firm lips in a short but deeply felt kiss. “And you are just plain evil,” he growled. “But I love you anyway.”
Vin´s expression softened. He wasn´t going to settle for a generic ‘me too´ this time. Never again would he pass up the opportunity to say the words that bound him forever to the man at his side. Reaching out to trace the dip in his lover´s lower lip, he allowed his eyes to convey every bit of love and tenderness his soul possessed. When he finally spoke, the five words carried more meaning than the most eloquent of speeches.
“I love you too, Chris.”
The tender moment was interrupted when the door opened.
“Well, look who´s awake,” Debbie smiled as she entered the room. “Feeling better?”
“Yeah,” both men replied in unison.
She laughed. “Glad to hear it. Now, Mr. Tanner, as much as I hate to lose my favourite patient, I´m afraid you no longer require my special brand of care.” At the bewildered look that flashed through the injured man´s eyes, her smile widened. “Dr. Withers is having you transferred to a regular room this afternoon.”
“Can´t wait,” Vin beamed. Seeing the nurse´s brow arch, he blushed slightly. “I mean, not that ya didn´t take real good care o´ me. I´m much obliged an´ all. I just … aw, Hell.”
“I understand,” she smiled, letting the pink-tinged man off the hook. “Believe me, I´m glad when my patients are well enough to express a desire to leave.”
“Thanks for everything,” Chris offered. “You made this whole thing a lot easier.”
“It was my pleasure,” she replied sincerely. “Recoveries like this are what make my job worthwhile.”
“Well, then,” Vin teased. “Next time I get shot, I´ll be sure ta ask for you personally.”
“Don´t even joke about that,” Chris warned with a glare at his friend.
“Sorry. Guess none of us needs ta go through that again anytime soon,” Vin concurred.
“Lunch will be here in a few minutes,” she informed them. “After that, they´ll take you to your room. Now, if the two of you are OK on your own, I´ve got to get ready for another patient.”
“We´re fine,” Chris replied, still looking at Vin.
“Yeah,” the younger man agreed with a smile. “Just fine.”